


On the Range

by Calysta18



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-31
Updated: 2008-07-15
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:38:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calysta18/pseuds/Calysta18
Summary: Jared and Jensen are working on a movie together.   Can they find each other?





	1. Cowboys Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** A two shot, hope that you enjoy. Calysta

Jensen smiled to himself as he slumped back in his chair enjoying the warm Californian sunshine. He stretched his legs out in front of him digging his boots into the dirt. Jensen let his gaze drift idly around the set watching as the crew busily set up the next shot. He closed his eyes letting the familiar sounds and smells wash over him for a moment. The clanking of metal poles that were used for overhead cameras and sound equipment, the banging and clashing as a set was moved into position, the shouts of the crew as they set up the shot and even the aroma of the catering vans as they prepared lunch. It was familiar and even felt like home. 

Jensen opened his eyes and glanced around again. He grinned stupidly not able believe how happy and lucky he was. He was in the middle of doing the movie of his dreams - a western. Dressed in jeans, battered and scuffed cowboy boots with a plaid shirt, leather waist coat and black leather chaps, Jensen was in his element. He tipped his hat forwards slightly shading his eyes from the brightness. He felt like a cowboy right down to the thin layer of dust all over him and he grinned to himself again as he dug his boots into the dirt just so that he could hear the rattle of his metal spurs. Jensen chuckled to himself feeling a bit like a small child.

His only regret was that they were shooting on location just outside Los Angeles, on a sound stage for interior shots of the ranch and in an old "ghost town" for the town shots. Jensen didn't think he had stopped smiling since the first day of filming. He had been allowed to do his own stunts, had spent days in the saddle, been part of a saloon brawl and had even taken part in a faked cattle drive. But the icing on the cake for Jensen was that his co-star was none other than Jared Padalecki who was playing his brother. The film company had approached them both at the same and even though they had reservations about being typecast as brothers, neither of them could resist the offer to play cowboys. It was a simple story. They were playing brothers who had found themselves on opposite sides during the American civil war but who were now fighting side by side to save their family's ranch from the bad guy who had murdered their parents while they had been away. 

Today they were filming the last few scenes of the movie - the final showdown with the film's bad guy. They were just outside the ghost town, which had been transformed into a "living western town" by the set director and his crew. Dressed in costumes of the time period extras wandered around the set, drinking coffee from plastic cups and coke from plastic bottles, waiting for their instructions. Various members of the film crew scurried here and there getting things ready and moving equipment and cameras into position. The horses were corralled nearby, on the other side of a small wooded area, and Jensen guessed that the wranglers were probably saddling them up ready. He looked around again revelling in the sights, sounds and smells of the film set. The scene looked slightly chaotic but Jensen knew, from experience, that once the director yelled action it would all come together. It was like magic, a magic that Jensen never tired of witnessing. 

Jensen glanced down at the scribbled notes he had taken at the quick meeting to discuss the next scene. He squinted slightly watching as the crews moved the wagons into place at the far end of the town's main street. It was a very simple scene - a filler - that would lead into the final fight scene with the bad guy and his men. He and Jared had to ride into town to face their parents' murderer only to find themselves trapped by the wagons with no-where to run, their only option to stand and fight. 

The final fight scene itself had already been filmed. It had taken four days to complete and even though it was hard and physically demanding both he and Jared had enjoyed themselves immensely. Again they had been allowed to do their own stunts and both had the bruises to prove it. His energiser bunny friend, Jared, had been on a high for the whole two months of filming and Jensen found his boyish enthusiasm catching and knew he would be sad when they finally completed the movie. They then got a month off before filming started again on Supernatural and Jensen was looking forward to the break.

Jensen scanned the set again looking for his co-star. He grinned to himself as he eventually spied Jared. Jared, head and shoulders above everyone else, was talking animatedly to a group of female extras who were dressed as saloon girls. For some reason Jared was wearing one of the girl's purple feather boas around his neck. The girls were giggling as Jared waved his hands about, obviously telling them a funny story. Jensen groaned inwardly hoping it wasn't anything too embarrassing but knew from experience that it probably was and he couldn't help being a little envious with the ease in which Jared dealt with people. His tall, lanky best friend was a definite people person - warm, funny and outgoing. Jensen always felt awkward and shy around people he didn't know, only feeling truly comfortable in a crowd when he was with Jared. He calmed Jared down when he got a bit over enthusiastic and loud, and in turn Jared filled in the gaps when he didn't know what to say. They were a good team. 

Jensen frowned to himself. He still couldn't work out why Sandy had dumped Jared mid-way through filming the last season of Supernatural. Jared had been strangely tight-lipped about the reason and Jensen didn't want to push. Instead he offered a silent type of support - evenings in watching movies or going out to dinner or getting tickets for baseball or football games. Just spending time together. Jared had seemed to appreciate the effort which, in turn, made Jensen happy. Jared had been quiet and introspective for a few weeks before suddenly bouncing back to his usual full-on enthusiasm for life and fun self. 

Jensen watched Jared for a few more minutes. His friend was still waving his hands around as he laughed loudly and Jensen shook his head glad that he had been given the chance to be exasperated by Jared and his antics. It was an opportunity that he had never regretted, not once. Jensen was even toying with the idea of asking Jared if he wanted to spend some of their vacation time together, but so far he hadn't gotten up the courage to ask. 

Jensen frowned to himself again. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about Jared and lay awake most nights wondering how he had managed to fall in love with his best friend. Jensen sighed to himself knowing, deep inside, that he could easily love Jared. He spent hours day dreaming. Day dreaming about them being together, being in love with each other and spending their lives together. It was an ache that Jensen couldn't explain or rid himself of, and sometimes when he was close to Jared it threatened to overwhelm him. His body ached for Jared with a deep yearning that he knew would never be satisfied. But if he was really honest with himself Jensen was afraid. Jensen was afraid to love Jared and it hurt him deeply. Hollywood was a cruel and unforgiving place to anyone that chose a different path or didn't conform to the one it considered normal. Both he and Jared had elected to work for the unbending Hollywood machine and they both knew the rules. Jensen loved his job and his career but sometimes, laying alone in the dark, wondered if the price he had to pay was too high. He had Jared's friendship but he wanted so much more. 

Jensen screwed up his face deep in thought distracted again by thoughts of his best friend. Jared had been saying some really weird things to him over the last few weeks, had almost been flirting with him and Jensen idly wondered if his friend felt the same. Jensen shook his head cursing himself for his stupidity. It was too much to hope that Jared loved him too. Jared knew the rules too. So against his better judgement and what his heart was telling him, Jensen had ignored Jared's flirtatious remarks convincing himself that he was only hearing what he wanted to hear, nothing more. 

Jensen was jarred out of his musings by a familiar clanking sound. He looked up smiling fondly as he watched Jared bounce towards him, spurs clanking. Now minus his purple feather boa, Jared was dressed in blue jeans, a plain blue shirt, a similar waistcoat to his own and a battered dusty looking cowboy hat. Brown leather chaps that accentuated his long legs and narrow hips and waist completed the outfit. He didn't look anything like Sam Winchester. And Jensen liked it. With the sun behind him Jared Padalecki was beauty personified. Jensen groaned to himself. Life just wasn't fair. He willed away his thoughts and smiled up at Jared. 

Jared grinned back as he did a small tap dance in front of Jensen in an obvious attempt to make the spurs rattle even more. Jensen rolled his eyes at his friend. "Hey," he said with another smile. 

Jared grinned boyishly as he pushed his hat off his head to hang down his back by its leather chin cord. His hair, as usual, was all over the place and he shoved it back from his forehead. He grinned again. "Hey," Jared said as he slumped down in the chair next to Jensen. "Ready to take on the bad guys?" he asked with another grin, reverting to his lazy Texan drawl. 

"You bet," Jensen mimicked the drawl. 

"This is so cool," Jared enthused nudging Jensen's shoulder with his own. 

Jensen grinned. "So you've said," he murmured. "A million times.... may be more." 

"Grump," Jared teased. He nudged Jensen again. "I'll miss being a cowboy," he said. "Hey. Perhaps I could persuade Kripke to make Sam a cowboy next season," he beamed excitedly. "I could be Sam Winchester. Demon cowboy," he laughed to himself. "Perhaps we could even trade in the Impala for a couple of good horses." 

Jensen snorted. "Good luck with that," he retorted. 

"I think we could.... you know..... make it work," Jared protested as he stretched out his long legs, flicking dust of his leather chaps. 

Jensen chuckled. "Can I be there when you tell Kripke your master plan for his baby?" he asked with a smile. 

"See there you go again .... being all old and ... sensible," Jared accused with a smirk. "You just have no vision," he mumbled to himself. 

"I like my head on my shoulders," Jensen smirked back at Jared before turning his attention to his scribbled notes. 

"So a movie again tonight?" Jared suggested. "My place. Beer and pizza?" he offered. "Or Chinese?" 

"Let me guess?" Jensen looked up from his notes. "A John Wayne movie?" 

"What other kind are there?" Jared smirked. "Did you know that John Wayne was six foot four as well? Just like me," Jared beamed at Jensen. "And always rode a tall horse." 

"I think you might have mentioned it a few times," Jensen quipped with a grin. 

Jared grinned back. "You can choose the movie," he offered not able to disguise the hope in his voice. 

"OK," Jensen agreed. "Your place. Chinese and beer and I choose," he scrunched up his face deep in thought. "Chisum," he decided finally knowing that it was one of Jared's favourite John Wayne movies. 

"Yay. Good choice," Jared punched Jensen's arm playfully. "I so love that movie." 

"Me too," Jensen agreed. "Especially when he's on his horse sitting on the top of the hill looking down at his ranch and his land." 

"I was gonna say that," Jared pouted. 

"I know," Jensen laughed softly as he turned back to his notes. 

"OK," Jared said. "It's a date," he waggled his eyebrows at his friend. Jared held his breath waiting for a reaction from his friend. Jensen glanced up at him, shot him a strange look before turning back to his notes. 

Jared sighed to himself. He studied Jensen out the corner of his eye. Not that he needed to look. He had Jensen memorised. Every inch of his friend was ingrained permanently into his brain. His hair. His beautiful green eyes. His dusting of freckles across his nose and face. His muscular but well proportioned body. Every frown, smile and scowl, all categorised and burned into his brain. Jared sighed to himself again. He desperately wanted his friend to notice him and had spent the last two months of filming dropping subtle hints to no avail. Subtle wasn't really his speciality - he was too noisy and upfront, too obvious. So when subtle failed miserably Jared had resorted to flirting outrageously but apart from the odd frown, Jensen hadn't reacted at all. And Jared was starting to get desperate. 

He loved Jensen and thought about him all the time. Jared wanted Jensen so much it hurt, but he couldn't seem to get the message across properly. He was sure he was sending out the right signals, the right vibes, but Jensen wasn't getting the message and Jared wondered how somebody as smart as Jensen could be so dense. Sandy had seen how he felt - it was the reason she had left. Sandy leaving had hurt at first and he had been miserable and lonely without her. But Jensen had been there for him, silently offering comfort and a shoulder to cry on and never pushing him for the reason for the break up. Jared was grateful for that, at that time, not ready to announce his love for Jensen. Jared sighed yet again. If Sandy could see how he felt, why the hell couldn't Jensen. It was frustrating. Jared looked sideways at Jensen again silently drinking in the sight. He squirmed in his chair thinking how much he really loved and wanted Jensen. Jared wasn't a patient person and his patience was fast running out. He had decided in the shower that morning that today was the day. The day he told Jensen how he felt. But so far, his nerves had gotten the better of him. But tonight over a movie and dinner was an entirely different matter. Jared smiled to himself. 

Jensen sensed that Jared was staring at him. "What?" he said looking up from his notes yet again. 

"Nothing," Jared defended, cursing himself for getting caught staring. He wanted Jensen to notice him but on the film set really wasn't the right place. 

Jensen pulled a face and turned back to his notes again, even though he had them memorised. "You're weird man," he mumbled desperately trying to ignore the fact that he liked Jared staring at him. 

"And you just don't get it," Jared blurted out. He cursed silently again - he hadn't meant for the words to come out but he was just so frustrated at Jensen and his blissful oblivion. 

"What?" Jensen said frowning at his friend. "I don't understand." 

Jared blew out a long breath. "No... no you don't," he shrugged getting to his feet. "That's the damn problem." 

Jensen's reply was interrupted by one of the wranglers leading their horses over to them and Jared could see the director waving at them that they were ready for a take. "Looks like they're ready for us," Jared said pointedly changing the subject. He waved back towards the director and accepted the reins of his horse turning his back on Jensen. 

Jensen frowned at Jared again as he stuffed his notes into his pocket. He had the feeling he had missed something very important and had hurt his friend in the process. He frowned again thinking that may be Jared really did like him in the way he wanted and Jensen could feel a small glimmer of hope blossom deep within him. May be it was time to ignore the rules and take a leap of faith towards Jared. Jensen accepted the reins of his horse from the wrangler with a smile. He had grown attached to his horse, Ranger, and Jensen patted the horse's neck affectionately. The horse nudged him. Jensen laughed. "You want this?" he offered Ranger an apple he had been saving. The horse nudged him again before accepting the apple and munching happily on the fruit. Jensen patted the horse again before putting his foot in the stirrup, holding onto the horn with both hands and swinging himself easily up onto the horse's back. Hooking his other foot into its stirrup he wriggled until he was comfortable in the saddle and then looked back towards Jared who was fiddling with his tack lengthening the stirrups. "Hey man," he called. "We've got bad guys waiting." 

Jared rolled his eyes. "Let them wait," he retorted sulkily. He looked towards Jensen and his bad mood disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. He couldn't help smiling as he thought that was what a cowboy should look like. Jensen looked so confident and natural in the saddle - all hard lines and taut muscles, denim-clad, checked shirt and black leather. Utter perfection. His horse, a pretty chestnut with a white blaze on its forehead, danced impatiently as Jensen waited for Jared to mount up. 

Jensen stared at Jared for a moment. Mind made up, he turned his horse in a wide circle heading towards Jared. Manoeuvring his horse as close as possible, Jensen leant down getting as near to Jared's ear as he could get comfortably without falling off his horse. "I get it," Jensen whispered before straightening up into the saddle. He grinned down at Jared adjusting his hat slightly to make sure it didn't fall off. He then skilfully turned his horse towards the director and crew. 

Jared stared open-mouthed for a moment losing himself in Jensen's words. Jensen got it. He really got it at last. Jared grinned broadly. "About damn time," he finally managed to shout. Jensen turned slightly in his saddle and grinned back at Jared before heading towards their start point. 

And then Jared watched everything go to hell...... 

  
Jensen grinned to himself as he turned away from Jared. They had a lot to talk about but it was a start he thought to himself happily. Life was good Jensen started to hum to himself, lost in thoughts of Jared. The large black dog came out of no-where and Jensen vaguely recognised it as belonging to one of the other actors. It was usually tied up by the trailers and Jensen wondered what the animal was doing so close to the set and the horses. The dog bounced on its front legs, its paws leaving the ground, as it growled and barked. Startled Ranger came to a sudden standstill nearly pitching Jensen off balance and out of the saddle. "Steady," Jensen soothed tightening his grip of the reins as the horse started to move backwards nervously lifting his front hooves off the ground slightly. 

The dog continued to bark nastily advancing on the frightened horse, snapping at Ranger's hooves. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen could see the wranglers rushing towards him, could hear the panicked shouts from members of the crew. The dog snarled. Terrified and trying to avoid the dog's sharp teeth, Ranger reared up suddenly onto his back legs. Jensen lost his hat but clung on desperately as he struggled to pacify the horse. "Easy," he said as calmly as he could muster. Jensen was jolted forwards as Ranger's hooves hit the ground again. He wriggled regaining his balance in the saddle and tightened his grip of the reins again vainly trying to draw his horse away from the angry dog. Jensen could feel Ranger's flank muscles tense and stiffen as the horse tried to avoid the snarling dog. 

Baring its teeth menacingly, the dog continued to snarl, jumping forwards every now and again striking out at the horse's legs. Just as one of the wranglers reached them and bravely grabbed the dog pulling it backwards still barking, Ranger decided to bolt towards the safety of the corral. Jensen yelped in surprise as the terrified horse took off in the opposite direction back towards the corral. Jensen could feel his panic rising, feel his heart thudding in his chest, but hung on grimly as the horse raced through the small wooded area. He gasped as low hanging branches swiped at his face stinging his skin. He desperately pulled at the reins, crying out words of comfort in an effort to halt the frightened animal. Jensen used every trick he had ever been taught and learned during his years of riding but to no avail. Still lost in panic and terror, Ranger didn't hear the pleas and galloped on blindly swerving to avoid trees and jumping small bushes. Jensen could hear the loud see-saw sound of the Ranger's heavy breathing as they thundered on through the small wood. The sound of hooves pounding the ground echoed in Jensen's head and he thought he could hear the sound of other horses behind him. 

Jensen risked looking upwards. Looming up in the front of them he could see the old-fashioned wooden corral that housed the horses. The gate was closed and the corral empty of horses. "Damn," Jensen cursed silently as he tugged on the reins vainly. "Please stop," his mind screamed. Seeing the wooden fencing of the corral, Ranger valiantly attempted to jump it. Jensen tensed and attempted to adjust his stance and posture for the jump. For a moment, Jensen thought that they were going to make it, but as Ranger rose into the air the horse unexpectedly slipped on the grass. Nostrils flaring the horse snorted loudly missing his footing and clipping the top of the fencing with his hooves. With a startled whiny, Ranger crashed forwards onto his knees. Caught unawares by the suddenness of the movement, Jensen hurtled over Ranger's head landing heavily on the ground. As he hit the ground hard, pure agony lanced through his entire body making tears spring to his eyes. Jensen couldn't help crying out before the darkness closed in around him. 

Jensen struggled to open his eyes and he stared up at the blue sky for a moment trying to work out where he was and what had happened. His vison was blurry and he blinked several times to clear the fog. He could vaguely hear voices in the distance and he moved his right arm in an effort to sit up. It was a mistake. Jensen bit at his bottom lip to stifle his cry as a sharp pain shot up his arm to his shoulder. He risked a glance downwards and was sure he could see a bone sticking out of his arm. "Not good," he thought as he took a deep breath and tried to move but his whole body protested the attempt. White hot pain seared through his muscles, his bones, his skin, and Jensen was sure that his hair hurt too. Jensen closed his eyes again trying to block out the pain. When he opened them again Jared was there, kneeling at his side, a concerned look spread across his features. 

Jared was here. Jared would make the pain go away. Jensen wanted to smile but that hurt too. "Jared," he whimpered instead reaching out with his good hand. 

"I'm here," Jared soothed grabbing hold of Jensen's hand and squeezing. He didn't know what to do and could feel his panic rising within him. "Don't just sit here like a stupid lump. Do something," Jared chastised himself silently but he was mind-numbingly terrified. All he wanted to do was pull Jensen into his arms and hold him in an effort to make the obvious pain his friend was in go away.

He stared down at his friend for a moment his mind racing as he desperately tried to work out what to do, where to touch Jensen, how to help him. Jensen was frightened - Jared could see it in his friend's expression, could see it in his green eyes, could feel it in the fine tremors that wracked his friend's broken body. Jensen's right arm was plainly broken as Jared could see a bone sticking out through bloodied and torn skin and from the look of it, his right shoulder was definitely dislocated. His face was scratched and bruised and he had a large bloody gash across his forehead. Jared couldn't see any more blood but guessed that didn't mean that Jensen wasn't hurt inside. He shivered at the thought.

Jensen whimpered again snapping Jared out of his trance. "Keep him still," he murmured to himself. Still holding onto Jensen's hand, Jared managed to manoeuvre himself until he was kneeling by his friend's head. Sitting back onto his ass for balance, Jared carefully and gently placed a folded knee on each side of Jensen's head until he felt the warmth of his friend's skin through the denim of his jeans, in an effort to stop his friend moving his head and neck. Jensen whimpered again squeezing Jared's hand. "Ssshhh. Its OK. You're gonna be fine," Jared soothed stroking Jensen's sweat dampened hair with his free hand. "Help's on the way. Just don't move. OK?" 

"Jared," Jensen whispered as tears sprang to his eyes spilling over and running down his face unchecked. "I can't feel my legs." 

  

**To be continued...................**


	2. Cowboys Dreaming

  
Author's notes: I hope you enjoy. Calysta  


* * *

Jared stared out of the window. The sun had disappeared behind large angry black storm clouds that gathered over the city and Jared watched the rain as it fell heavily soaking everything and everyone caught in its path. The weather matched his gloomy mood and he ran his finger idly down the window following the tracks of rain drops as they trickled and flowed down the cool glass in long wet trails. 

Jared was terrified and he dragged himself away from the window and started to pace up and down the small waiting area. He ignored the two PR men from the movie's production company who were sitting whispering in the corner of the room. Jared glared at them as he paced. He couldn't help it - his mind kept turning over the events of the past few hours and Jared could still see the look of terror in Jensen's green eyes as he held and tried to comfort him. Jared could feel his panic rising again and desperately fought to calm himself. He let his mind wander.

Jared had watched as Jensen valiantly fought to calm his horse. The dog's loud barking had mesmorised him momentarily and Jared had stood, frozen to the spot, as the events unfolded before his eyes, seemingly in slow motion. Jared had snapped himself out of his trance as Jensen and his horse took off towards the wooded area. Jared had mounted his horse and given chase, pushing his horse as fast as it would go, arriving at the corral in time to see Jensen flying through the air and hitting the ground with a sickening thud, something Jared would remember for a long time to come. 

Jared had flung himself off his own horse, not bothering to tether the animal and rushed to Jensen's side. Out of the corner of his eye, Jared could see that Jensen's horse was on his feet and standing in the corner of the corral. He was glad knowing that Jensen would be worried. Jared had then turned his full attention back to Jensen. He could see immediately that his friend was in severe pain from his badly injured arm and every impulse had screamed at him to just grab his friend into his arms and hold him tightly in an effort to hug away the agony. Somehow through the fog of panic, common sense had prevailed and Jared had the presence of mind to hold Jensen's neck and head as still as possible until the paramedics had arrived. He had repeated over and over that Jensen should keep as still as possible. His friend had been shivering and crying softly from both terror and pain, and for the first time in his life Jared had felt totally useless. He hadn't really known what to do, had been working on pure instinct so thanking God for his long arms, Jared had clung onto one of Jensen's hands whispering soothing words trying desperately to ignore his own panic and fear. 

The paramedics had tried to gently push him out of the way but Jensen had refused to let go of his hand, becoming almost hysterical. In the end, and not wanting to distress Jensen even further, the paramedics had acquiesced and worked around Jared. First, Jensen's head and neck had been carefully encased in a large uncomfortable looking contraption designed to restrict all movements. A large gauze pad had been secured to the bleeding gash on his forehead. A back board had then been cautiously slid under Jensen's body and he had been secured to it with straps around his chest, thighs and legs. Jensen had cried out in pain as the movements jarred his arm and Jared had to bite back his own tears at his friend's distress. An oxygen mask had been placed over Jensen's face and an intravenous drip pushed into the back of his good hand. Before covering him with blankets, Jensen's injured arm and shoulder had also been temporarily immobilised with a combination of large foam splints and braces. Jared had then assisted the paramedics to carefully lift Jensen onto a stretcher which was quickly wheeled and loaded onto the waiting ambulance. 

Ignoring the paramedic who was silently monitoring his friend's condition on various pieces of flashing machinery, Jared remained with Jensen, clutching at his hand, still whispering words of comfort as the ambulance, lights flashing and siren screaming, hurtled through the afternoon traffic towards the hospital. The pain and terror had finally taken its toll and Jensen lost consciousness just as the ambulance had screeched to a halt at the ER doors. Hospital staff had surrounded the stretcher as it was unloaded from the ambulance and Jensen had finally been snatched away from Jared's grip and wheeled behind maddening swinging doors. Jared had watched the doors swing back and forwards and had momentarily fought the insane urge to rip them off their hinges with his bare hands. 

That had been over three hours ago and Jared was slowly winding himself up into a panic attack. Jensen's last words to him echoed in his head over and over making Jared feel slightly sick. "Oh God," Jared whispered to himself. "Please let him be OK." He scowled at the PR people again wishing that they would go away. He sighed knowing that they wouldn't leave until they had details of Jensen's condition to put into a press release. Jared suddenly hated the industry he worked in. He was startled out of his pacing and morose thoughts by the doors swinging open and the urge to rip them off their hinges surfaced again. A doctor appeared, dressed in the usual white coat and blue scrubs with a stethoscope looped around his neck. The doctor glanced down at the clipboard in his hands before walking towards Jared. 

"How is he?" Jared asked before the doctor could speak. "Can I see him? Is he awake? Is he OK?" he said, not able to stop himself babbling. He could feel his tears bubbling behind his eyes and pushed them back determined to be strong for his friend. Jared knew that this was not the time to fall apart. 

The doctor smiled. "I'm Dr. Lassiter and I'll be looking after Jensen while he's with us," he pushed Jared back towards the seating area. "Let's sit down and we can talk," he persuaded pressing Jared down into a chair and taking one himself. "I see you're down as his emergency contact," he flicked a glance at his clip board again. 

"Yeah," Jared nodded. "He's mine too," he shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea as we work so far away from our families." Dr. Lassiter nodded in understanding patting Jared's knee in comfort. Jared noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that the two PR men had gotten to their feet and were moving closer. Jared turned and glared at them. "Back off," he snarled. He felt the doctor's hand tighten against his leg and felt vaguely comforted by the action. 

"We need some information," the taller man defended with a pout. "When word gets out…… and trust me it will……. we need to have our statement primed and ready to go." He risked a small smile but got another angry glare from Jared. 

"We' re just trying to do our job," the shorter man protested at the murderous look Jared shot them both. 

"Take a walk," Jared snapped. He knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn't help himself. He was worried about Jensen, wanted to concentrate on Jensen and didn't need two "suits" hovering in the background like PR hungry vultures. It was unfair of him and deep down, he knew they were only doing their jobs but it didn't change how he felt about them at this moment in time. 

"Perhaps it would be better if you left," the doctor interrupted sensing Jared's rising anxiety. He put his hand up to stop the protests that he saw on the mens' lips. "Mr Padalecki can come and appraise you of the situation when we're done talking. OK?" The doctor looked towards Jared who gave a curt affirmative nod before turning his attention away from the PR men. 

The taller man narrowed his eyes for a moment, considering. "OK. We'll go get a coffee," he finally decided. "And come back later," he nudged his companion towards the door. "But we will need something to put in our statement," he threw over his shoulder as the two men left. 

Jared watched as the two men left the waiting area before turning back to the doctor. "So how's he doing? When can I see him?" he repeated. "Is he OK?" 

"Calm down Mr. Padalecki," the doctor soothed. 

"Jared," Jared interrupted. "Call me Jared." 

"OK. Jared. Now Jensen's doing OK," he patted Jared's knee again. "Under the circumstances he was a very lucky young man. Fortunately Jensen didn't have any internal injuries or bleeding but he did have to have his arm set surgically because of the severity of the fracture," Dr. Lassiter explained. "He also had a badly dislocated shoulder which has now been fixed. Both injuries should heal up nicely although at the moment he's in a lot of pain," he paused allowing Jared to digest the information for a moment. The doctor waited until Jared nodded before continuing. "He also has a mild concussion, two cracked ribs and lacerations and bruises just about everywhere else." 

Jared blew out a calming breath in an effort to take in what the doctor was telling him. Jensen was hurt and all he wanted to do was hold his friend, comfort him. Jared blew out another breath. "And his legs?" he whispered, almost afraid to ask. "He said he couldn't feel his legs." 

Dr. Lassiter paused again. "It's very difficult to give a definite prognosis. Jensen has extremely severe swelling and bruising to his spinal column and back at the moment which of course you would expect in the kind of accident he has had today. The good news is that there appears to be no breaks or damage that we can see with an x-ray or scan." 

"Do you think he'll be OK?" Jared asked, not able to keep the waver of his voice. 

Dr. Lassiter bit at his lips. "I'm afraid we're in a wait and see scenario at the moment. We have him immobilised and mildly sedated. And we're keeping him under close observation in the neurology unit. I can assure you that he's in very good hands and that we're taking good care of him. I'm very hopeful of a positive outcome in Jensen's case." 

Jared nodded. He felt numb with shock and couldn't imagine what Jensen was going through and feeling at the moment. "Does he know?" he asked. 

The doctor nodded. "I thought it best to be honest with him right from the start," he answered. "And he insisted on knowing everything. He's quite a stubborn young man." 

Jared chuckled at the comment despite the situation. "When do you think you 'll know some more information?" he asked softly.

The doctor screwed up his face in thought. "We'll have to wait until the swelling diminishes before we can be really sure. I would say we might know more in a couple of days or so. But as I said before, I'm cautiously optimistic."

"Can I see him? Sit with him?" Jared asked hopefully. 

"I think that's an excellent idea," the doctor nodded. "Jensen's very upset and agitated at the moment. He's very frightened which is completely understandable and I think you sitting with him would keep him calm. And he has been asking for you. You just need to keep him as quiet as possible. Talk to him. Be with him. But you need to keep calm yourself as it will ultimately help Jensen. Do you think you can do that?" Dr. Lassiter asked. 

"Yeah," Jared gave the doctor a small smile. "I can do that," he acknowledged. "I'll stay as long as he wants me to stay . And I promise I'll keep calm…… for both of us." 

"Good," Dr. Lassiter said with a reassuring smile. "We've just getting him settled in the neurology unit. So I'll get a nurse to come and get you when we're ready. OK?" Jared nodded. "And if you like I'll talk to your PR gentlemen," the doctor offered. 

Jared blew out a relieved breath impatient to see Jensen. He didn't want to talk to the PR men, was afraid in his current state of mind that he might lose control of his temper and punch one of them "That would be great. Thanks," Jared said gratefully. 

  
**Half an hour later………….**

Jared took a deep breath and pushed the door open to Jensen's room. The room was silent except for the beeping and whirring of the machines monitoring his friend's condition.

Jared forced his legs to work and he moved quickly to Jensen's bedside. He glanced down and immediately could feel his worry and concern escalate to new heights. Jensen looked terrible. He was laying flat on the bed. There were no pillows under his head and Jared couldn't help thinking that his friend looked really uncomfortable. Jensen had his eyes closed and was a sickly grey colour, his freckles standing out against the stark paleness of his skin. He had a nasty gash across his forehead, nearly in the same position as the one he had as Dean and his right arm was encased in a bulky cast from finger tips to his elbow. The arm had been placed across his chest and secured with a sling/brace that was obviously assisting in keeping his dislocated shoulder immobile as well. IV drips were embedded in the back of his good hand and the inside of his elbow and a myriad of wires and leads flowed back and forwards from Jensen to the machines monitoring his condition. A narrow feeding tube had been inserted into Jensen's nose and Jared assumed that this was for ease while his friend was confined and immobile on his back.

Taking a closer look, Jared could see that Jensen's ankles, legs and thighs had been strapped to the bed, an uncomfortable looking foam and metal cervical collar had been secured around his neck and an oxygen mask lay unused on his chest. His head and neck had also been braced with a combination of heavy foam blocks and an evil looking metal contraption to keep him still. More wide foam blocks had been positioned between the metal rail of the bed and Jensen's body, again Jared assumed to keep his friend as still as possible. 

Despite trying to keep himself calm and strong for his friend, Jared couldn't help shivering at the sight of his friend. He had never seen Jensen look so fragile, so broken, so sick. Only a few hours ago they had been so happy and looking forward to progressing their relationship. And now it had all gone to hell. Jared couldn't help thinking how cruel and unfair life could be, reminding them that they had no control, that they were only mere mortals. Jared shivered again at the thought. 

Jared took several deep breaths and leaned forwards. "Hey," he whispered not expecting an answer as he stroked his fingers gently through Jensen's hair. "It's Jared. I'm here. Everything's gonna be fine," he murmured continuing to stroke Jensen's hair soothingly. 

"Jared," Jensen murmured as he struggled to open his eyes. He looked up to see Jared smiling down at him but Jensen could see the panic, fear and worry in his friend's pale eyes. He cautiously moved his good arm upwards, wincing as the IV needles pinched his skin, and touched Jared's face gently. "Hey," he croaked trying to give Jared a smile but it came out as a pained grimace. His hand dropped back onto the bed. 

"Hey yourself," Jared smiled at Jensen again. 

"Is Ranger OK?" Jensen asked. He couldn't help worrying about the horse that he had grown so fond of over the last two months. He needed to know that the horse wasn't hurt. 

Jared could see the worry in his friend's green eyes. "Yeah," he replied softly and was rewarded with a small smile from Jensen. "He's fine. Now let's talk about you dude. How are you feeling?" Jared knew it was a stupid question but Jared couldn't help himself. He was frightened and worried and felt completely out of his depth. 

"Like I fell off a horse," Jensen quipped trying to lighten the mood, desperately trying to soothe Jared and take the worry he could see in his friend's eyes away. Jensen didn't want Jared to be upset. He turned his attention to his own body. Everything still seemed a bit blurry and his head felt like it was filled with cotton wool. Jensen vaguely remembered talking to the doctor but couldn't really remember much of what he had been told. He knew he hurt. It felt like his whole body was screaming in agony, everything either ached, hurt or stung. He couldn't move his right arm or shoulder but knew he could move his left arm. He'd been able to touch Jared, the thought made him happy. His head and neck wouldn't obey his commands to move and he guessed that he had probably been immobilised to prevent any damaging movements. He couldn't help the stab of fear that washed over him at feeling completely helpless, at feeling not in control of his own body. 

The fog in his brain cleared a bit and Jensen frowned. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to wiggle his toes and move his legs. Nothing happened and Jensen could feel his fear replaced with ice cold panic rising up deep within him at the stark realisation that he still couldn't feel his legs, his feet or even his toes. He grit his teeth as he also realised he couldn't really feel anything below his waist. It was the weirdest sensation Jensen had ever experienced and it frightened him. He could feel tears threatening and squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to stop them. "Please move. Something. Anything," his mind screamed over and over as he desperately tried to move his legs, his toes, his feet. Nothing moved and the numb feeling remained, taunting him with his helplessness. 

Jared immediately sensed that Jensen was getting upset and agitated and remembered the doctor's words. He reached down with his free hand and grabbed Jensen's good hand and squeezed in reassurance, his other hand still stroking gently through his friend's hair. "Ssshhhh. It's OK," he reassured softly. "It's gonna be OK." 

"I can't feel my legs," Jensen choked letting his tears flow freely. "Jared. I still can't feel my legs." He couldn't stop the tears and they ran unchecked down his face. He was terrified all over again and gripped Jared's hand tightly trying to gain strength and courage from the touch, the contact. 

"I know," Jared replied, feeling as if he could join Jensen in tears. He pushed the urge to cry down firmly, determined to be strong for his friend. "The doctor says you just have to be patient." he continued not really sure who he was trying to convince. He idly wiped away Jensen's tears with a finger. "You'll be walking outta here in no time. OK?" 

"OK," Jensen managed to choke out. If Jared could believe that everything would be OK, he could too. "Will..... will you stay?" Jensen asked not able to keep the hope and desperation out of his voice. He didn't want to be alone. 

"Stupid," Jared chastised affectionately. "Course I'm staying. Where else would I be?" He leaned forwards and gently kissed Jensen on the forehead. Kissed his cheek. Kissed his nose. And finally kissed his mouth. Jared straightened up grinning down at his friend. "Been waiting a long time to do that." 

Jensen licked his lips savouring the taste and feel of Jared. He managed a small smile. "Sorry," he said softly. "For screwing up our evening." 

"Chisum and Chinese can wait until you're feeling better," Jared teased. 

"I wanted..... wanted to..... wanted," Jensen stuttered not able to get the words out. He was so tired but he wanted to stay awake, talk to Jared. He had so much he wanted to say but his head still felt fuzzy and he was exhausted. 

"I know," Jared interrupted. "Me too." He stroked Jensen's hair again noting how tired and sick his friend looked suddenly. "Why don't you get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up. OK?" 

"Promise?" Jensen mumbled as he struggled to keep his eyes open. 

"I promise," Jared leaned forwards again gently kissing Jensen's lips. "Not going anywhere." Jared pulled the chair at the bedside closer and sat down as he watched Jensen lose his battled and descend gradually into sleep. He kept a tight hold of Jensen's good hand and remained stroking his fingers through his hair hoping that it soothed Jensen. Jared found that the action soothed him. 

  
**Four days later......**

Jensen was frustrated. He was still flat on his back completely immobilised. He was still connected up to IV drips and whirring blinking machines and he hadn't been able to persuade the doctor to remove the nose tube. His shoulder had healed sufficiently for his right arm to be released from the brace and was now resting on a pile of pillows. It ached but Jensen was resisting the urge to ask for pain killers. He was tired of feeling fuzzy-headed all the time but if he was really honest with himself, he was waiting to feel pain or anything in his legs or back. He couldn't move on his own and wanted to cry every time the nursing staff came in to roll him into another position to avoid sores. Jensen had never felt so humiliated and useless in his life. If he had been able to get up out of bed he would have kicked the wall in frustration. 

Jensen was terrified that he would never walk again. The fear gripped him, nearly strangling him with its intensity. It wouldn't leave him alone, day and night his terror was his constant companion. Jensen didn't want to imagine what his life could be like if he couldn't get his stupid legs to move. He was also desperately afraid that Jared wouldn't want him if he couldn't walk. They'd just found each other and Jensen wanted Jared so much and couldn't bear the thought of losing him because of his accident. He knew, deep down, that he was being stupid and unfair, knew that Jared wasn't like that but Jensen couldn't help himself. The saying, so near but yet so far, was spinning around in his head making him feel dizzy and sick. Life was so unfair. 

Jensen let his thoughts turn to Jared. Wonderful and loving Jared who had been constantly at his side, never leaving except to visit the bathroom or the coffee shop. Every time they came in to turn him, Jared had been there holding his hand giving silent loving support wiping at the tears that escaped his eyes, smiling his warm loving smile. Making Jensen feel like a million dollars instead of the fifty cents he felt like at the moment. Jensen bit at his lips determined not to cry again. He'd been doing a lot of that over the last few days. 

Dr. Lassiter had eventually persuaded Jared to leave long enough to take a shower in the doctors' locker room but his friend had been back quickly, only leaving him alone for half an hour. And Jared had handled everything without even being asked. Telephone calls to Jensen's parents every day, the network, Kripke, friends - you name it Jared had handled it and Jensen couldn't help loving Jared a little bit more each day, if that was possible. Jensen knew that he was a lucky man and was going to spend the rest of his life loving Jared, if he was allowed to. The fear that Jared would leave rose up again and Jensen could feel tears welling up and cursed himself for his stupidity. 

In an effort to distract himself from feeling miserable and crying like a child, Jensen glanced around the room. The stark white room was filled with flowers, cards, a variety of stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes and bunches of coloured balloons. The film company had finally issued a press release on his second day in hospital and since then gifts had been steadily arriving everyday from fans, his family, Jared's family, friends and well wishers. According to Jared, members of the press were lurking in and around the entrance to the hospital waiting for any further news on his condition.

Jensen let his eyes roam around the room until they settled on the table at the end of his bed. He smiled at the large vase filled with red roses and the two little teddy bears dressed as cowboys sitting on either side of the vase - gifts from Jared. He planned to give the all gifts and flowers to the hospital when he left, knowing that the fans wouldn't mind. But the cowboy bears and the red roses were coming home with him. They were special.

Still smiling to himself Jensen glanced to the left. Jared was slumped in the chair next to the bed, fast asleep, but still holding onto his good hand through the bed rails. Jared looked slightly uncomfortable but beautifully rumpled. He squeezed Jared's hand suddenly having an irrational urge to know that he wasn't alone. Jared's hand was warm, alive and it made Jensen feel better. 

Jared jerked awake and glanced blearily at Jensen. He blinked twice waiting until everything came back into focus shaking off sleep. "Do you need something?" he asked pulling himself to his feet. Jared blinked again. 

"Sorry," Jensen apologised softly. "Didn't mean to wake you." 

"It's OK," Jared smiled as he leaned over the bed and smiled down at Jensen. Jared stroked a hand through Jensen's hair gently. 

Jensen wished he could just shake his head. "I'm....you know.,.. I just," he blushed. He just wanted Jared to stay with him but he couldn't seem to get the words out. He blew out a frustrated breath. 

Jared hated seeing Jensen looking so fragile and upset. He had a strange feeling that Jensen had somehow convinced himself that he was going to leave and Jared had no intention of ever doing that. He just had to convince Jensen that he was staying no matter what happened. They had only just found each other and Jared was determined that nothing was going to separate them, ever. "I'm not going anywhere," he said still stroking his hand through Jensen's hair. "You're stuck with my ass," he smiled. 

Jensen bit at his lip. "Good," Jensen muttered. "And I like your ass." Jared laughed immediately turning around and wiggling his ass at Jensen. Jensen laughed at Jared's antics. "Idiot," he said affectionately. 

Jared turned back to Jensen grinning. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Can I get you something?" 

"OK I guess," Jensen replied. "But a kiss would make me feel a whole lot better," he smiled up at Jared, not able to keep the hopeful expression from his face. 

Jared cocked his head to one side. "It would huh?" he raised an eyebrow. 

Jensen grinned again. "You have magic kisses," he teased. "Makes me feel all tingly." 

Jared chuckled. "Tingly huh?" he said as he leaned down. Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's lips gently. He deepened the kiss as he felt Jensen respond, putting everything he felt into that one touch, that one kiss. He felt Jensen suddenly tense and pulled back frowning. "Jensen?" he frowned again at the look on his friend's face. 

Jensen was enjoying the kiss, letting himself melt into the kiss revelling in the sensation of Jared's warm lips on his. He could feel the warm tingly sensation spreading through his whole body from his lips right down to his toes. Jensen froze. His toes. He could feel his toes and he was sure that his foot twitched during the kiss. Jensen looked up as Jared pulled away frowning. "Jared," he choked tears filling his eyes again. "I can feel my toes. I can feel my toes. They moved," Jensen's voice went up an octave in his excitement. 

"What?" Jared immediately rushed to the bottom of the bed and pushed the blankets aside. "Try again," he coached. Jared could feel his own tears, tears of hope, springing to his eyes. He glanced up at Jensen, could see the look of determination in the older man's face and smiled encouragingly before turning back to concentrate on Jensen's foot. 

He waited with baited breath. Silence bounced around the room seeming to deafen them both with its soundlessness. Jared glanced up at Jensen. His face was scrunched up with the effort of trying to move his foot. Jared looked back at Jensen's foot resisting the urge to take it in his hand and help with moving it. All of sudden he saw it. Jensen's toes twitched first, then his foot moved slightly to the right. Jared wanted to cheer loudly. Instead he moved back up the bed and gripped Jensen's hand tightly. 

"It moved.... it really moved.  Did it move?" Jensen choked out again, tears streaming down his face. He needed someone else to tell him, needed to know that he wasn't just imagining the movement. 

"Yeah it did," Jared beamed happily through his own blur of tears. "I knew you could do it," he said reaching over to press the call button. "I love you," Jared whispered leaning down and kissing Jensen again. 

  
**To be continued..................**


	3. Healing

  
Author's notes: Next chapter, sorry for the wait. Last one will come very soon. Hope you enjoy. Calysta  


* * *

**A week later......**

  
Jensen balanced on the edge of his bed watching as Jared circled the room mumbling under his breath and waving his hands in the air, completely oblivious to Jensen and the rest of the world. Watching Jared was strangely mesmerising and Jensen took the opportunity to run his eyes over his body, the body that would belong to him as soon as he could move more than a few feet without falling over. With his over-sized white cotton shirt flapping against his muscled torso as he moved around the room, Jared looked like a giant walking windmill and the thought made Jensen want to laugh. But instead he stayed silent watching, shifting occasionally to get comfortable, revelling in the fact that Jared was his, all six foot four inches of bouncy warm human being. The thought made him smile again. Jensen Ackles knew he was a lucky man. 

Jensen dragged his attention away Jared for a moment glancing around the room. Now empty of flowers, balloons and cuddly toys, the room was back to its sterile anonymous whiteness. His eyes settled on his bag laying at the bottom of the bed. Jared's roses lay across it and Jensen could see the heads of the two cowboy teddy bears sticking out the top of the bag. He blew out a relieved sigh. Jensen was ready to go. His back was agonisingly painful, his legs ached and he could feel every single one of his bruises. His cracked ribs protested every small movement and sometimes breathing hurt. His arm, still encased in a bulky cast, and shoulder ached and Jensen had a killer headache but he was happy. Today after two weeks in the hospital, and an hour of pleading, he was finally being allowed to go home even though Dr. Lassiter had been reluctant wanting him to stay in the hospital for a further week. Jensen felt battered and bruised but he was walking out on his own two feet. May be with the aid of a wheelchair and a crutch that Dr. Lassiter insisted he use for a week or so, but walking nonetheless but with strict instructions not to work for at least a month. 

The day after his toes and foot moved and following a barrage of tests, scans and x-rays that made his head spin, Jensen had finally been released from all the equipment keeping him still and laying on his back. Almost immediately Dr Lassiter had authorised his first session of physiotherapy to get his muscles working again. Jensen had to admit that the session had tired him out and it had been pure agony, every bone and muscle hurt, even his skin hurt. He had been able to feel the tears springing to his eyes at every small movement he made but had determinedly pushed them down. Instead he had forced out small smiles as he shuffled forwards like an old man, clinging desperately onto the frame with his good hand while the physiotherapist supported his other side ensuring that he didn't put too much pressure on his injured arm and shoulder. 

Jensen had felt like he was climbing a huge mountain but he continued to smile. Smiled for Jared and Jared alone. Jared who was there every step of the way, at his side, whispering encouragement and holding his hand when he took a break or was taken back to his room exhausted from his efforts and the pain. Jensen always fell asleep with Jared holding his hand. It made feel loved and wanted for the first time in a very long time. Jensen smiled to himself turning his attention back to the object of his affection. Jared was still pacing the room, his tall body vibrating with suppressed anger and frustration. 

Jensen sighed to himself, not for the first time cursing the business they both chose to work in. Jared was upset and angry. Upset and angry at the film's two PR men who were insisting that Jensen leave the hospital by the front door and give interviews to the waiting press to prove he was alive or something. Jensen hadn't had time to open his mouth before Jared was up close and personal with one of the PR men threatening to do bodily harm. Jared had only been stopped by Dr. Lassiter intervening and asking the PR men to leave the room while he gave last minute medical instructions to Jensen, all ten pages of which were stuffed into the bottom of his bag along with his pain killers and antibiotics. Jensen had been relieved because he wasn't sure that he would have been able to stop Jared. His legs still felt wobbly, as though they didn't quite belong to him, and he wasn't entirely sure that he would have been fast enough to stop his friend and hopefully soon-to-be-lover from hitting one of the men. "Jared," he said cautiously. 

"What?" Jared stopped in front of him. He scowled, not at Jensen, but at the whole situation. Jared was seething, white hot rage filled his veins, making him feel like he was going to explode. He bounced on his feet still feeling tense as he stared at Jensen for a moment. Jensen smiled at him and Jared could feel his anger suddenly draining out of his body, leaving him with the sense of calm and peace he always felt when he was near to Jensen. Jared gave Jensen a hesitant smile back. Jared Padalecki was head over heels in love with Jensen Ackles and he grinned happily, his anger magically disappearing. 

"Calm down man," Jensen soothed putting a hand out and stroking it gently down Jared's face. "Don't be upset. Please." 

"But," Jared started to say. 

"Jared. Listen," Jensen said firmly. "I am not going out the front door. OK?" he enunciated each word carefully so Jared understood him. "I don't care what the PR guys want. I'm gonna go out the back with you." 

"Really?" Jared couldn't help asking He blew out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding. 

Jensen chuckled. "Yeah," he replied with another smile. "If you'd let me get a word in before going all caveman, I would have told them no. That I don't ... you know..... feel up to the press and all that crappy stuff." 

"Oh," Jared said sheepishly with a blush that made his ears go red as well. "Sorry. Jensen I'm so sorry. But I just... just got so angry. Morons," he gave Jensen a small smile. "How could those damn stupid morons suggest that you go out the front door... you might get knocked over.... and you just got back on your feet." 

Jensen tugged Jared closer and kissed him softly. "Thank you for caring," he whispered in Jared's ear. 

"Of course I care," Jared pulled back smiling. "I love you." 

"I know you do and I love you ... so much. But you don't need to go all caveman and punch the PR guys," Jensen reasoned. "I'm a big boy.... I can look after myself." 

"I know you can... but I just wanna.... wanna.... well you know," Jared bit at his lips nervously not able to get the right words out. "Sorry," he repeated instead as he hung his head. 

"It's OK," Jensen murmured taking Jared's hand in his and squeezing. At that moment he loved Jared a little bit more if that was possible. "So is the car round back?" he asked. 

"Yeah," Jared replied with a small smile. He kicked at the floor nervously. "Jensen," he said. "You do still want me.... well want me to come home with you? Live at your house with you? I packed my stuff... and Harley and Sadie are at your place because you said it was OK. It is OK isn't it? They'll be good I promise," he babbled nervously. "Is it still OK to come home with you? I won't mind if you've changed your mind. Well I will...but if you wanna be on your own I'll.. you know.. understand kinda," Jared said finally running out of words and taking a deep breath. 

Jensen cocked his head to one side. "You about finished there?" he raised an eyebrow. "Because I gotta tell you man you sure do talk a lot," he teased softly. "But you're so cute when you babble," Jensen waggled his eyebrows flashing Jared another grin. 

"I don't babble," Jared pouted like a five year old. "I was just... you know kinda worried... that...well you wanted to be on your own. Or go home to your family Or changed your mind or something. And didn't want me there. Or Sadie or Harley..... well I don't know," he glanced up at Jensen noting the amused expression on his friend's face. "I'm doing it again huh?" Jared blushed. 

Jensen chuckled. "Yeah kinda," he said softly. "But I still like it." 

"So it's OK?" Jared couldn't help asking again. For some reason Jared couldn't explain to anyone, even himself, he was feeling anxious and twitchy. He couldn't seem to keep his legs still and they bounced, even more than normal. They were about to go home together, as a couple. The thought was frightening and wonderful, all at the same time. Jared's stomach lurched with nervous anticipation and he swallowed hard against his worries, his anxieties and his hopes and dreams for their future. 

When Jensen hadn't been in physiotherapy or asleep, they had spent a lot of time talking about their feelings and their new relationship. They were desperately in love with each other. It seemed so simple but they were both realistic enough to know that their life together would be hard. Reality could be harsh and cruel and their lives and careers were entrenched and intermingled with the huge powerful and unforgiving Hollywood machine. But they were both determined to succeed in their relationship. They both desperately wanted and needed it and one another. Jared knew that they were both excited but nervous as well and it made him feel better that Jensen felt as he did. He looked up at a smiling Jensen again. 

"It's more than OK," Jensen leaned forwards again. "I want you there. I want you to come home with me," he reached up and kissed Jared again. "So," he pulled back cocking his head to one side again. "You ready to blow this joint?" he grinned. 

"Damn straight," Jared replied with a grin of his own. 

"Channelling your Dean Winchester huh?" Jensen teased as he struggled to slide off the bed. His back and ribs protested the movement and he groaned in pain. 

"Do you need some help?" Jared was immediately at his side grabbing for Jensen's elbow to steady him. Jared still wasn't convinced that Jensen should be leaving the hospital and much to Jensen's annoyance had sided with Dr. Lassiter but somehow Jensen had won them both round to his way of thinking. But Jared still couldn't help worrying - Jensen looked so pale and ill and Jared knew he was still in severe pain. Jared bit at his lip even more determined to take care of Jensen and make sure he stuck to the doctor's orders to rest and relax. And Jensen Ackles was going to take it easy and rest or his name wasn't Jared Padalecki. He smirked idly wondering if Jensen knew what he was letting himself in for wanting him come home with him. Jared smirked again. 

Jensen frowned at the look on Jared's face and shifted forwards with another groan. Jared went to take his arm. Jensen glared waving Jared away, slightly irritated. "I got it," he said as he pulled a face at Jared. He was only moving a few feet to the wheelchair but Jensen was determined to do it under his own steam. He bit at his lips. Despite the painkillers, Jensen was in agony but he was determined not to admit it to Jared, not wanting the younger man to worry about him although from the look on Jared's face it was a lost cause. In reality Jensen could have cried because his back and whole body hurt so much. Dr. Lassiter had warned him that once the numbness receded and he started moving around again, the pain from his injuries would return making movements painful and difficult for a time. 

Jared stepped back, both hands in the air in mock surrender. "OK," he said not able to disguise the anxiety in his voice. Jared had seen the extensive bruising on Jensen's back and legs as he was helping him get dressed and guessed that his stubborn friend was still in a lot of pain. In an effort to distract himself from the urge to help, Jared grabbed the wheelchair and moved it closer to Jensen. 

Jensen took a deep breath and grabbed for the crutch wrestling it under his arm as he cautiously dragged himself to his feet. He swayed slightly but managed to stay upright. Triumphant, Jensen grinned up at the anxious look on Jared's face. Jared let out the breath he was holding proud with himself that he had just about managed to resist the urge to help Jensen. Instead his hands had gripped the metal handles of the wheelchair while he counted in his head trying to calm himself. He couldn't however resist the temptation to push the wheelchair even closer to his friend. Jensen noticed and rolled his eyes as he shuffled towards the wheelchair and sat down with a huge relieved sigh. "Ready?" he tipped his head backwards and looked up at Jared. 

Jared leaned forwards and stole a quick kiss. "You bet," he grinned back as he carefully placed Jensen's bag on his knees and pushed the wheelchair towards the door and their life together. 

  
**Later that night......**   **Jensen's Home in Los Angeles**

Jensen jerked awake and rolled his head from side to side panicked. He was bathed in sweat and his heart was thudding loudly and wildly in his chest. Jensen sucked in deep breaths trying to calm himself, trying to shake off the dream. The images and sounds were so real and loud, pounding noisily in his head, that Jensen squeezed his eyes closed again to shut out the memories. After a few minutes of deep breathing and willing his heart to stop racing, Jensen risked opening his eyes again and stared up at the ceiling concentrating on the small crack that ran from the centre light fitting to the wall. It was familiar. He was home. He was safe.

Jensen rolled onto his side and instantly regretted the movement. His back and ribs protested the movement and he felt like screaming as the pain washed over him cruelly reminding that he was black and blue all over. Sharp stabbing pains in his legs made him long for the numbness again and Jensen could feel tears pricking at his eyes. Biting his lips he lay on his side, his body tense and as still as he could manage, concentrating on wishing away the agony and swiping at the odd tear that managed to escape.

He let his thoughts turn to their escape from the hospital. Despite the pain, Jensen smiled at the thought. After leaving the room, Jared had run down the hospital corridor and into the elevator while Dr. Lassiter and his nurse had kept the PR men busy. Once out of the elevator and on the ground floor, Jensen had clung onto the arms of the wheelchair as Jared had swerved around corners and down several long corridors. It had been a relief to finally reach the back of the hospital and he had even let Jared help him into the waiting SUV. Jared had then screeched out of the hospital parking lot and headed them towards home. It had been like a scene from a movie and Jensen had caught Jared grinning like a maniac. He couldn't help himself and had laughed too sensing that life with Jared was going to be a fun ride, one that he was excited about and looking forward to with all his heart.

Half an hour later they were home and before he could protest or say anything Jared had him taking his medication, had helped him change into sweats and a t-shirt and had him tucked up in his bed. He hadn't even been allowed to say hello to Harley and Sadie who Jared had locked outside to avoid any accidents or over excitement on the dogs' part. Jensen remembered trying to protest that he didn't want to go to bed, wanting to stay awake to talk to Jared. Jensen also vaguely recalled Jared telling him that he would use the guest bedroom so he could get a comfortable night's sleep. He had wanted Jared to stay, had tried to tell him but his medication, body and eyes weren't co-operating and he had slowly drifted off to sleep Jared's hand wrapped around his own. 

A twinge of pain brought him back to himself. The pain was receding slightly and Jensen stared up at the ceiling again. He let his mind wander for a moment before memories of his dream, vivid and colourful, popped into his head again, unwanted. Jensen squeezed his eyes closed. His eyes filled with tears again and Jensen cursed himself for his weakness as he shoved the comforter aside slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position with his good arm. He took deep breaths against the pain and swung his legs off the bed. He couldn't help himself and it sounded so girly but he wanted Jared. Wanted to be close to him. Needed to touch him. 

He couldn't find his crutch but somehow Jensen got himself across the bedroom using pieces of the furniture for support and balance. He hung onto the door frame for a moment gathering together all his strength. Taking a deep breath, Jensen started to move slowly along the darkened hallway towards the guest bedroom and Jared. He leant heavily against the wall for support, his injured arm braced across his chest. He could feel the sweat running down his back and his muscles tensed with the effort of staying upright. His heart pounded in his chest and a swooshing sound in his ears threatened to deafen him with its intensity. He was trembling and he put his good hand against the wall trying desperately to stop the shaking. Jensen stopped and closed his eyes against the pain, sagging against the wall. He tried to force his wobbly legs to move but they refused to co-operate. Jensen's eyes snapped open at the sound of Jared's voice. 

"What the hell?" Jared appeared at the top of the stairs, a glass of milk in one hand, a plate piled high with cookies in the other. He placed them both on the floor and hurried towards Jensen, concern and worry vibrating through his body. "Jensen?" he said. 

"Need," Jensen huffed, out of breath. He was so tired and he blinked trying to rid himself of his blurry vision knowing, deep down, that it had nothing to do with not wearing his glasses or contact lens. 

"Need?" Jared frowned. "What do you need? Something to drink or eat? Your painkillers? To go back to the hospital?" Jared knew he was babbling but he couldn't help himself as worry for Jensen surged through his body. 

"No," Jensen said softly. He closed his eyes trying to concentrate all his efforts on what he wanted, what he needed. 

"You should have shouted," Jared admonished watching as the remaining colour seemed to drain out of Jensen's face. "Not got yourself outta bed," he said not able to keep the panic out of his voice as he grabbed for Jensen supporting his weight with an arm around his waist. 

"You," Jensen finally managed to force out. He leaned into Jared's warmth. "Need you." 

"You got me. OK?" Jared soothed wrapping his arms around Jensen. "Now let's get you back to bed." 

"Mmmmmm," Jensen mumbled as he let himself be turned around. 

"OK. Now one step at a time," Jared coached as he supported most of Jensen's weight encouraging him forwards. 

"One step at a time," Jensen mumbled as he concentrated on moving his feet. After two faltering steps Jensen's strength finally gave out and his knees started to buckle. 

Jared moved instinctively as he felt Jensen falling. Worried that Jensen would take them both to the floor, and without thinking, he put one hand under Jensen's knees and the other hand behind his back lifting his friend in one swift movement into his arms. He knew he would probably aggravate the bruising but Jared could only think about getting Jensen back into bed in the quickest possible time. Jensen moaned in pain and Jared relaxed his grip slightly hating that he was hurting his friend. 

"I can walk," Jensen muttered in protest. 

"Yeah I saw that Mr-Wobbly-Legs-and-I'll-Just-Hug-the-Wall," Jared teased as he shifted Jensen's weight against his own body for balance. "Just let me look after you. OK?" 

Jensen relaxed and his head lolled against Jared's shoulder. "OK," he whispered. "But I'm so gonna kick your ass for carrying me like a girl. I'm a cowboy you know," he mumbled. 

Jared chuckled. "Well I kinda doubt that cowboy or not, you could take a feather pillow right now," he teased. "So I figure I'm sorta safe for a few more days." 

"I hate you," Jensen mumbled into Jared's neck but there was no malice in the words. "You wait," he mock-threatened. 

Jared chuckled again. "Man," he huffed. "No more pizza and beer for you," he teased lightly as he struggled along the hallway towards the bedroom, staggering slightly under Jensen's weight. "Your pretty ass is heavy." 

Jensen snorted despite the pain. "Did you just call my ass pretty?" he asked softly. 

"Hell yeah," Jared admitted as he reached the bedroom. Moving towards the bed Jared carefully lay his precious bundle on the bed. Carefully supporting Jensen he made him take some more painkillers before helping him to lay down. With a groan Jensen rolled onto his side. Jared quickly grabbed all the pillows, and cushions from the chairs in the room, and lined them up against Jensen's back and legs in an effort to cushion the bruising. He then leaned towards the bottom of the bed to retrieve the comforter.

Jensen's good arm and hand flailed outwards grabbing for him. "Don't go. Stay," he pleaded.

Jared grabbed Jensen's hand and squeezed gently. "Not going anywhere stupid," he said affectionately. 

"No. Here," Jensen patted the bed. "In here. With me." 

"Are you sure?" Jared asked softly, terrified that he would somehow hurt Jensen during the night if they shared the bed. 

"Jared," Jensen said, a hint of irritation in his voice. "Please." 

"OK," Jared agreed. He squeezed Jensen's hand again. "Be right back," he assured as he hurried out of the room. 

"Jared," Jensen protested. He was tired and struggling to keep his eyes open but he wanted to make sure that Jared came back, needed Jared to come back. Jensen blinked several times in an effort to keep himself awake. His determination was rewarded when moments later Jared returned with more pillows under one arm and the plate of cookies and milk balanced in the other. Jensen rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling at Jared. "You left me to get cookies?" he accused lightly. 

"I might get hungry later," Jared pouted as he placed the cookies and milk on the bedside table.

"I love you," Jensen smiled up at Jared.

Jared beamed at him. "Good because I love you back," he said as he quickly arranged the extra pillows and lay down next to Jensen pulling the comforter up over both of them. With a soft moan, Jensen wriggled close to Jared. "Better?" Jared whispered as he carefully wrapped Jensen in his arms. 

"Mmmmm," Jensen mumbled sleepily allowing his eyes to close. He felt like a complete girl, wanting and needing Jared, and hating that he had been carried back to bed by Jared. But at the same time, Jensen felt safe and loved in Jared's arms. Jared grinned to himself as he ran his hand through Jensen's short hair soothingly, smiling again as Jensen pressed into the touch. 

**Three hours later......**

Startled awake, Jared rolled onto his back his eyes still closed. It took him a moment to remember where he was and he slowly cracked his eyes open peering into the darkness searching out what had awoken him. Jensen. He rolled his head to the right watching as Jensen moved his head from side to side mumbling in his sleep. The mumbling was getting steadily louder and louder as Jensen shifted, his whole body seeming to vibrate as he sunk further into his dream. "Jensen," Jared leaned over the older man cautiously shaking his good arm. "Wake up dude," he whispered hoping that Jensen would settle. He didn't get any warning and Jared yelped as Jensen accidentally kicked him in his shin as his movements got more and more frantic. 

"N-nooo," Jensen cried his voice full of terror. "Stop. Please stop," he yelled as he suddenly sat bolt upright snapping his eyes open. He looked around him, panicked and frightened, as if he was searching for something. Still semi-immersed in his dream Jensen blinked in the darkness trying desperately to work out where he was. His heart pounded in his chest and his whole body ached with a vengeance, protesting his sharp movement. Jensen couldn't help moaning in pain as he closed his eyes. 

"Hey man," Jared said softly trying not to startle the obviously confused man. Jensen reacted to the voice snapping his eyes open panicked. In his dream-muddled state Jensen struck outwards almost hitting Jared with his cast. 

Jared managed to dodge the plaster cast coming towards his face and grabbed Jensen's arms gently but firmly. "Ssshhh," he murmured noticing the fear and panic reflected in the greenness of Jensen's eyes. "It's OK. You're OK. Ssshhhh," he chanted over and over desperately trying to calm Jensen, striving to keep his own panic and fear out of his voice. "It was just a dream. Just a dream," Jared soothed. 

"Jared?" Jensen sounded confused. He leaned heavily against Jared trying to shut out the vivid images of his dream. He whimpered and burrowed closer to Jared's warmth where he felt safe, protected. 

"Yeah it's me," Jared replied as he wrapped Jensen carefully in his embrace. "It was just a dream. OK?" he lowered them both back down onto the bed. Jared could feel the tremors wracking the older man's body and he stroked a hand through Jensen's sweat-dampened hair in a desperate effort to calm him. "You OK?" 

"Yeah," Jensen murmured. 

"You wanna talk about it?" Jared asked. 

"It's just a stupid dream," Jensen muttered. The dream was slowly fading and now he felt stupid for acting like a girl and worrying Jared. "Sorry for waking you up man," he whispered. 

"No worries," Jared kissed Jensen softly. He could feel Jensen's body gradually settling under his touch and he smiled to himself, grateful that he could be useful to the man he loved with all his heart. Jared manoeuvred Jensen until he had him lying on his side and he was spooned behind him. Moving as close as he could without aggravating the bruising Jared put his arms around Jensen and laced their fingers together. He nuzzled at Jensen's neck whispering soft words until he felt the older man relax even more descending into sleep. But Jared didn't go to sleep. He couldn't sleep. Instead he lay awake worrying about Jensen. 

  
**To be continued.......**


	4. Back in the Saddle

  
Author's notes: Final chapter. Hope that you enjoy.  
Calysta  


* * *

  
**Two weeks later...........**

**Jensen's Home in Los Angeles**

Jensen cautiously stretched his body out causing only a small twinge of pain at the movement. He grinned to himself and stretched again revelling in the warm sunshine. It was mid afternoon and Jensen had decided to take his book and coffee onto the decking area and relax in the sunshine. Harley and Sadie, his constant companions for the last two weeks, were flopped out asleep close to the bottom of his sun lounger. Jensen put his book to one side and let his mind wander absently.

The last two weeks had been tough but Jensen was feeling much better, more like his old self and he was pleased that his old energy was returning. The bruising on his back and legs was slowly fading, his cracked ribs were healing giving him hardly any pain and he was now able to get around without the aid of the crutch. The only downside was that his arm was still encased in the bulky cast and would remain so for the next two weeks. He glared down at the grey-whiteness of the cast wishing that it would just disappear but Dr. Lassiter had insisted that it stay on due to the severe nature of the injury. His arm itched like crazy and the cast made everything so difficult even though Jensen was becoming adept at doing things one-handed. 

That morning he had even made a lasagne from scratch for dinner. He had spent an hour grinning to himself at the achievement, the same amount of time it had taken him to clean up his disaster of a kitchen. One-handed preparation and cooking made for a messy time but Jensen had been determined despite the fact that some of the tomatoes found themselves all over the work surfaces as well as the floor. He had also nearly sliced off a finger dicing the onions and the pasta sheets and cheese sauce had been tricky, one-handed, but he had done it without any help. His motivation. Lasagne was a favourite of Jared's and he deserved a treat after all the hard work he had put into Jensen's care over the last two weeks. 

Jensen smiled. Jared who had been with him every minute, every hour of the day looking after him, making sure that he did his exercises, took his medication, gave him leg and back massages and just generally held his hand when the pain got bad. Despite his protests Jared hadn't let him do anything, had spoiled him and taken care of everything from the grocery shopping to the cleaning to the laundry. Jared who never complained, ate all the cookies in the house and ignored his bad temper and angry frustration at being cooped up for so long. Jared had just been there. Loving him. Being with him. Jensen smiled again as he glanced down at his watch knowing that Jared would be home soon. He confessed to himself that the last couple of days had been lonely, despite Harley and Sadie's company, and he had missed Jared, not that he would ever admit it to the younger man. 

For the last two days Jared had been on the movie set finishing off a few shots and final scenes. Jensen's scenes had been handled by his stunt-man as they only involved faraway shots or shots from the back. Jared had wanted him to come to the set with him but Jensen had refused trying to ignore the look of disappointment on his friend's face. Jensen just couldn't face going back on set and he shuddered at the thought. Looking down he noticed that his hands were trembling at the thought. "Stop it," Jensen chastised himself as he clenched his hands into fists as thoughts of the movie bounced around his head tormenting him, just like his dreams did most nights. 

Just thinking about the movie made him feel sick and he closed his eyes against the images that kept flashing into his head unwanted and uninvited. He couldn't seem to shake the memories of his last day of filming and he shivered despite the warmth of the sun. Jensen had always dreamed of working on a cowboy movie, it had been a life long ambition realised but now all he wanted to do was forget it and move on, not that his dreams were making it easy for him to forget. 

It was over, he kept telling himself over and over. Done and dusted. Even though the movie's insurance and legal executives had made it worse hounding him at every opportunity wanting him to sue the actor who owned the attacking dog as well as pressuring him to insist that the animal be destroyed. Jensen knew, deep down, that their persistence was borne out of a need to do something legal or insurance wise in order to satisfy their corporate responsibilities but Jensen didn't want the dog destroyed or the actor sued. He just wanted to forget about it and have them leave him alone so he had refused point blank to bring any kind of action against the actor or the dog. It was the right decision, he knew. It was an accident and Jensen just wanted to put it all behind him forever and get on with his life with Jared. 

He knew that Jared was worried about him and Jensen desperately wanted to confess all and tell his friend his worries and fears, wanted to tell him about his dreams. Dreams that disturbed them both at night. He felt guilty about waking Jared most nights and had even offered to sleep in the guest room. Jared had been horrified, refusing without hesitation and Jensen hadn't missed the look of hurt that had crossed Jared's face. 

He sighed. Jensen was afraid. How could he tell Jared that he was afraid. Their relationship was so new; they were just getting used to being comfortable with each other and Jensen was terrified that Jared would think less of him. Jensen knew, deep down, that he was being stupid, that Jared wasn't like that, but he couldn't help himself. He had been burned in the past by relationships, trusting was hard for him, and Jensen couldn't bear the thought of losing Jared because of a ridiculous dream that he couldn't seem to control or dispel. Jensen could feel tears stinging at his eyes again and he cursed his stupidity. He swiped at his eyes with his good hand as he heard the door slam. Jared was home. "Out here," Jensen called as he quickly rubbed at his eyes again. 

"Hey," Jared grinned as he leaned down and kissed Jensen softly. "Missed you," he slumped down in the lounger next to Jensen, stretching his legs out in front of him. 

"Missed you too," Jensen grabbed Jared's hand and squeezed. Sadie and Harley leapt up and Jared fussed, petted and talked to them until the dogs got bored and flopped down again. 

Jared cocked his head to one side studying Jensen closely. His eyes looked slightly reddened and he had a high colour on his cheeks. Jared screwed up his face sensing that something was wrong. "You OK?" he asked lightly not wanting to push. 

"Yeah," Jensen managed a small smile. "Just lonely without you. Kinda got used to you spoiling me." 

Jared grinned. "Well I'm all done now. So I hope you're ready for more of my awesome spoiling." 

Jensen laughed. "So did everything go OK?" he asked, wanting to know but not wanting to know all at the same time. He shuddered at the thought of the movie again and hung onto Jared's hand tightly. 

"Yeah. Movie's all wrapped up," Jared grinned again but couldn't help feeling the shudder that ran through Jensen's body at the mention of the movie. Jared frowned. He had been disappointed when Jensen had refused to come to the set with him and had put it down to the older man still feeling tired and ill. But now Jared was not so sure. Something was wrong and upsetting Jensen, giving him terrible nightmares, and it concerned him. But Jensen being Jensen wouldn't talk about it. Jared knew that trust was hard for Jensen but it still frustrated the hell out of him. "Stubborn ass," he thought to himself blowing out a small breath deciding not to make a big deal out of his worries hoping that when he was ready Jensen would tell him what was troubling him. But Jared made a mental note that if Jensen hadn't talked about what was worrying him by the time they returned to the Supernatural set, he would shake it out of Jensen if he had too. "So it's back to Vancouver at the weekend. And then in a couple of weeks it's back to work for us. Sam and Dean here we come again," he smiled over at Jensen. 

"I can't wait to get back to work. Going kinda stir crazy," Jensen gave a lopsided grin. "And hopefully this will be off by the time we get back to set," he waved his cast-laden arm at Jared. "Not sure that Dean would think it's cool." 

"Kripke called today," Jared said. "The first scripts will be with us in a week to ten days. I told him to deliver them both to my house. Told him that you were staying with me while your arm was healing. Was that OK?" Jared asked nervously, turning a worried face towards Jensen. Over the last few weeks they had discussed what they were going to tell people about their changed and new relationship. After many hours curled up together discussing the situation, they had decided to keep their relationship secret for the time being, even from their parents and families. They were both one hundred percent sure that their futures lay together but they wanted time to get used to being together as a couple before making an announcement to anyone. 

"Yeah. Of course it's fine," Jensen assured. "Don't worry so much Jared," he soothed squeezing Jared's hand again. "Kripke and the others are used to me crashing at your place. My busted arm gives us a good enough reason for me to be there. Like you're here. OK?" 

"OK," Jared grinned. They sat in companionable silence for a while, holding hands, and just being together enjoying the sunshine. 

"I cooked," Jensen said finally. "You hungry?" 

"Have you ever known me not to be hungry?" Jared said as he pulled himself to his feet. 

Jensen scrunched up his face as though he was trying to think of an occasion when Jared wasn't hungry. "Nope," he smirked up at Jared, his green eyes flashing with amusement. 

"Dude," Jared pouted punching Jensen lightly on his good arm. 

"I made your favourite. Lasagne," Jensen said as he let himself be pulled to his feet. "Just gotta make us a salad." 

"And fries?" Jared asked hopefully. 

Jensen chuckled. "And fries," he agreed. 

"Now you're spoiling me. And now I know why I love you so much," Jared said softly. "My Mom always said the way to my heart was through my stomach," he said as he lifted up his shirt and patted his stomach muscles. 

"I'm not sure if I have enough lasagne.... or stuff in the cupboards to feed the bottomless pit," Jensen quipped with a grin. 

"Hey," Jared protested as he dropped his shirt back into place and leaned forward to wrap Jensen into his arms. 

Jensen sniggered again before looking up at Jared earnestly. He reached up running a hand down Jared's face. "I'm sorry," he murmured softly. 

"What for?" Jared frowned pulling back and looking at Jensen. "You've nothing to be sorry about." 

"For ..... for well you know what," Jensen floundered trying to find the right words. "For not being able to ... well you know," he blushed bright red. Since the first night they had shared his bed but hadn't taken their relationship any further, just cuddling and kissing, mainly due to his injuries and Jared's fear that he would somehow hurt Jensen. But today and now Jensen was ready. He wanted to make love with Jared but for some reason he couldn't explain, even to himself, Jensen felt nervous and he hoped that Jared would feel the same. 

"Dude," Jared said as realisation suddenly dawned on him. "Loving someone isn't just about sex and getting horizontal. It's about being together. Doing normal stuff together. Eating all their cookies and candy. Getting them to make you fries.   And just .. well just being together." 

Jensen smiled cocking his head to one side. "We could... you know...have dinner later... and make up for lost time now," he offered not able to keep the hope out of his voice. He blushed again, nervous. 

"Jensen," Jared murmured as he claimed Jensen's soft lips in a slow languorous kiss before pulling back and looking Jensen in the eye. "Are you sure? I don't wanna hurt you or anything. What about your bruises? Your arm? I could hurt you. And you're still sick," Jared couldn't help babbling and blushed bright red, suddenly nervous that Jensen was offering what he had been dreaming about for months. 

"Did I tell you that I love it when you babble and blush like a girl," Jensen teased with a grin relieved that Jared was obviously nervous too. 

"Your ears went red too," Jared protested with a smirk. 

Jensen couldn't help himself, he blushed again causing Jared to giggle at him, but he knew a way to silence the giggles. Jensen leaned forwards grabbing the front of Jared's shirt with his good hand and pulled him into a kiss which silenced Jared immediately as the younger man leaned into and returned the kiss. Jensen pulled back slightly smirking when Jared whimpered at the loss of contact. "And yeah I'm sure," he whispered. "I'm all better. And I want this. You. Us. Now," Jensen began to dance them slowly towards the stairs joining their lips together in a kiss.

"Yeah?" Jared breathed huskily.

"Yeah," Jensen waggled his eyebrows before turning and taking the stairs two at a time in an effort to prove that he was fit and well. Jared watched for a minute before charging up the stairs, hot on Jensen's heels. 

Once in the bedroom they stood staring at each other shyly. "I can't believe I'm so nervous," Jensen said, his voice tense. "Kinda stupid huh?" 

"No," Jared replied with a small smile. "I'm kinda nervous here too," he took a cautious step towards Jensen. "So I guess that makes two of us." 

"What now?" Jensen shrugged as he too unconsciously took a step closer to Jared. 

"What say we just sorta wing it and see what happens," Jared waggled his eyebrows. 

"Sounds like a plan," Jensen agreed as they finally made it back into each other's arms. 

"I am so gonna kiss every one of those cute freckles," Jared whispered hoarsely and it sounded like a heartfelt promise to Jensen. 

Jensen blushed making the freckles stand out even more. "I hate my freckles," he pouted. 

"But I love them," Jared retorted as he licked at Jensen's neck. "And I'm gonna enjoy counting each and every one of them." 

As one, they brought their lips together kissing as they began to pull and tug at each other's clothing suddenly desperate to get one another naked. Jensen's t-shirt and shirt came off first with Jared growling in the back of his throat when he had trouble getting the garments over the bulky cast. With a triumphant whoop he threw the offending clothes over his shoulder before turning his attention to licking and sucking at Jensen's skin making him groan with desire. 

Not to be outdone Jensen fumbled, one-handed, with Jared's shirt buttons. His frustration finally got the better of him and Jensen ripped the shirt open. "I'll buy you a new one. Hell. I'll buy you two new ones," he growled as his hands at last touched Jared's warm skin. Jared rolled his eyes at Jensen as his soon to be lover ran his hands backwards and forwards across his chest making every nerve ending tingle with electricity. Jared couldn't help himself. He growled in the back of his throat moving his hand down gently massaging Jensen's growing arousal through his jeans. "I have wanted you for so long," Jared whispered in Jensen's ear as he managed to unbuckle Jensen's belt. Unzipping Jensen's jeans, Jared shoved his hand down into the warmth grasping Jensen's half hard cock feeling it harden and lengthen under his touch. Jared thrust his own groin forwards, his own cock throbbing and stiffening as he squeezed and stroked. Jensen moaned and wriggled against his body. 

"Want you too," Jensen gasped as Jared released his cock. Jared walked them backwards pushing Jensen gently onto the bed. They bounced, fumbled and struggled with the last of their clothes casting them aside into an untidy heap on the floor. 

Laying on their sides facing each other they cast their eyes up and down drinking in the sight of the other's nakedness. Jared began to run his finger idly along Jensen's shoulder, down his arm to his waist, tracing a path over his hip, thighs and legs. "You are so beautiful," he murmured as he traced his finger back up along Jensen's flank. "You were so worth the wait." 

"You were too," Jensen sighed giddy with arousal and desire for the beautiful naked man laid out in front of him. Jensen was so dizzy with arousal that he managed to hit Jared on the chin hard with his cast as he moved his hand up to stroke Jared's face. 

Jared yelped in surprise making Jensen roll away, his arm flailing and hitting Jared with his cast again, this time on a bony hip. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he chanted over and over as he watched Jared rub at his hip. "Damn this thing. It's possessed," Jensen cursed as he wriggled further away from Jared, nearly to the edge of the bed, suddenly frightened that he would hurt Jared again. 

"It's OK," Jared soothed with a snort of laughter. "But I think my hip needs to be kissed better," he waggled his eyebrows seductively. Jared could see the look of panic on Jensen's face and he pulled at his good arm. "Come back over here. I'm cold," he coaxed wanting to wipe the look of his lover's face. 

"Really?" Jensen asked as he bit at his lip. 

"Hell yeah," Jared encouraged thrusting his hip towards Jensen. "A kiss would make it all better. Kisses are magic remember," Jared reminded Jensen of what he had said when he was in the hospital demanding kisses from him to make the pain go away. 

Jensen gave Jared a small smile and slowly rolled back towards him. He leaned forwards and kissed the bony hip as Jared softly stroked his hair. Jensen poked his tongue out and lapped at the redness caused by his evil cast. He looked up at Jared who was grinning down at him. "Anywhere else hurt?" Jensen asked as he cocked his head to one side, his panic and fear receding at Jared's gentleness. 

"Oh yeah," Jared huffed with a predatory smile. "Here," he pointed to his stomach. Jensen arched an eyebrow at the younger man but obediently moved upwards trailing a wet stripe with the tip of his tongue from Jared's hip to his stomach. He sucked a red mark into the soft skin marking Jared as his. "And here," Jared pointed to his left nipple. Jensen snorted but continued his trail with his tongue swiping and licking at the warm skin before kissing Jared's nipple swirling his tongue around the hardening nub. "And here," Jared pointed to his chin. Jensen smiled and ran his tongue up Jared's neck, again sucking at the skin, before giving Jared's chin a quick kiss. "And here," Jared ran his tongue around his lips. 

Jensen leaned forward claiming Jared's mouth as he ran his own hand up and down the muscled body that was now all his. "I am so lucky to have you," Jensen breathed as he moved his hand to Jared's groin rubbing at the hardness. Taking Jared's cock in his hand, Jensen squeezed gently as he ran his thumb over the slit already leaking with pre-cum. Jared groaned in ecstasy as he bucked forwards into Jensen's hand. "Like that?" Jensen teased as he captured Jared's lips once again in a kiss. 

Jared nodded before shifting slightly. He moved his hand downwards, lightly running his fingers over Jensen's own hardness eliciting a loud moan as Jensen thrust his tongue into his mouth. "Like that?" Jared retorted with a grin as he pulled back from the kiss. 

They grinned at each other happily before joining their lips in another kiss, their need and desire seeming to overwhelm both men. Rocking their hips experimentally against each other, they kissed long, deep and hard. At first they were clumsy and awkward in their movements. Arms and legs seemed to take on a life of their own and there were a few more mishaps in their attempts to get closer to one another. Jensen accidentally kicked Jared in the shin and his casted arm managed to thump Jared's chin again and side-swipe his ear. Not to be outdone, Jared accidentally elbowed Jensen in the stomach, kneed his thigh as well as nearly pulling them both off the bed as he enthusiastically rolled them over and over. They were seized by a fit of the giggles that left them snorting in laughter but slowly they settled into a rhythm of moving against each other as Jensen finally got his cast-laden arm under control and Jared took charge of his over-enthusiasm. Their nerves and clumsiness seemed to magically disappear and they moved as one, sweat soaked skin against sweat soaked skin, enjoying and revelling in the intimacy of making love to one another at last.

Jared rolled on top of Jensen resting his forehead on Jensen's as they delighted in the new sensation of the other's naked warm skin against their own. "Hey," he murmured.

"Hey back," Jensen smiled. He thrust upwards making Jared groan in ecstasy as he once again possessed Jensen's lips in a fervent kiss. Jensen responded by thrusting his tongue in and out of Jared's mouth in perfect cadence to his thrusting hips. Jared matched the roll of their hips grinding his cock against Jensen's cock. 

Jensen bucked upwards again, his body arching as it left the bed. Cocks hard and wet with pre-cum slid against the other easily building up a friction that had both men moaning with unbridled desire and passion for each other. They frantically rubbed and bucked against each other, their hips gyrating in a slow rhythm, as their passion built to a crescendo of suppressed longing, their feelings for one another free at last. 

Jensen grinned at the whimper of protest that Jared made as he released his mouth. Swiping his tongue along Jared's jaw line, Jensen traced a path up Jared's neck towards his ear. Jared extended his neck turning his head slightly to one side as he encouraged Jensen to lick at his skin. Jensen lapped at the sweat droplets gathered in the dip between shoulder and neck revelling in the salty taste of Jared's warm skin. Reaching Jared's ear, Jensen whirled his tongue around the outside making Jared squirm. He then started to trail his tongue back down Jared's neck towards his shoulder lapping and licking at the glistening sweat. Jared moaned loudly as Jensen bit down and sucked on his shoulder marking Jared as his again. Jensen licked soothingly at the reddening skin. 

They changed positions, Jared under Jensen. Jared shifted slightly urging Jensen back towards his lips. The kiss was long, hard and passionate as they rolled their hips against one another. Jensen drew back from the kiss giving Jared a wicked sexy grin that made his green eyes sparkle with mischief and desire. Jared groaned and flopped his head back onto the pillows. He clenched his fists, drowning in the feeling of ecstasy that Jensen was evoking in him. 

Jensen grinned again before ducking down and slowly and sensually tracing another path down Jared's body with his tongue flicking every now and again at the flushed skin. He ran the tip of his tongue along each one of Jared's ribs delighting at the small whines of pleasure emanating from his new lover. Jared arched his back off the bed as Jensen flourished his tongue over one erect nipple. Finished with one nipple Jensen moved to the other caressing it with the tip of his tongue. Jared chanted his name over and over as he ran his hands down Jensen's back stroking his hands in small circles across the sweat soaked skin. Jensen continued to explore, his tongue neglecting no part of Jared's skin, lapping at the moistness as he traced a path down the lean muscled body. 

Jensen nipped at Jared's spread thighs before licking at the marks he had made with his teeth. Jared's erection rose up to meet him and suddenly feeling bolder and more confident, Jensen licked experimentally at the silky hardness. Jared cried out Jensen's name his fists grasping the sheets as Jensen took the tip of his cock into his warm mouth. Jensen licked and sucked running his tongue along the slit dripping with pre-cum. Jared ran his hands through Jensen's hair, down his neck and over his shoulder blades massaging the strong muscles as Jensen moved his mouth up and down on his cock. Jared couldn't help thrusting his hips upwards his cock filling his lover's mouth as Jensen sucked on him hungrily savouring the sounds that Jared was making at his ministrations. 

Jared whimpered as Jensen released his cock. Jensen smiled up at Jared waggling his eye brows seductively. Pushing Jared's legs slightly wider, Jensen ducked his head down again and licked at Jared's balls taking each one into his mouth sucking gently. Jared groaned laying his head back against the pillows his eyes closed as he continued to caress Jensen's shoulders and upper back. 

Finishing with his loving ministrations of Jared's balls Jensen traced path up the underside of his lover's cock with the tip of his tongue. He took Jared's cock into his mouth again sucking hard while at the same time fondling Jared's balls rubbing them between his fingers. He pressed a knuckle into the soft skin behind massaging gently in small circles. Jared arched his back against the bed holding onto Jensen's shoulders. "No," he whispered dragging a reluctant and confused Jensen up the length his body. He rolled them so they were facing one another. Jensen looked at him still confused. "Want us to come together..... like this," Jared coloured slightly as he ran his hand down Jensen's face. 

Jensen smiled at him before leaning forward and capturing Jared's lips in another soul searing kiss and Jared tasted himself on Jensen's tongue. He lowered his hand between their bodies and took Jensen's cock in his hand gently sliding his hand up and down the hard pulsing length. Jensen moaned and dropped his good hand taking Jared' s hard cock between his fingers and stroking. 

Thrusting and jerking against each other they again took up the exploration of the new territory - one another's body - with tongues and free hands enjoying the intimacy their love making elicited. Their lips met and they kissed fiercely tongues exploring and possessing the other. They moaned in unison as their need became urgent both picking up the rhythm grinding against each other thrusting harder and harder. They chanted each other's name as they moved towards their final release. 

Jared let out a long moan as he came pressing his body closer to Jensen as he fell towards his climax. He rammed his cock against Jensen's body over and over as his orgasm overwhelmed him taking his breath away. Jensen's name was on his lips as he emptied himself. Almost immediately Jensen gave a small cry of ecstasy as he too came hard his climax tearing through his body as he jerked uncontrollably against Jared's body. Their release joined and mixed coating their hips, stomachs and thighs as they continued to pound against each other kissing one another hungrily and desperately moving towards the final throes of their orgasm. They panted against each other's mouths as their orgasm gradually abated, They slowed their movements scattering small loving kisses over one another before finally spent they lay together side by side panting hard, hand clutching hand, as they tried to get their breathing under control. 

Jared recovered first. Reaching down he grabbed his t-shirt to clean them up with. Jensen murmured and grinned sleepily up at Jared as his lover cleaned him off. Jared smiled back giving Jensen a quick kiss before pulling the comforter up over them. He shifted slightly pushing at Jensen until he turned on his side facing away from him. Jensen started to protest but quietened as soon as he felt Jared curl his body around him in a spoon's position Nuzzling at his neck, Jared reached for and found Jensen's good hand entwining their fingers together. They lay in contented silence, their legs and hands entwined, luxuriating in the afterglow of their love making, savouring the warmth and security they felt with one another. 

  
**Two weeks later......**

**Jared's Home in Vancouver**

Jared lay awake staring up at the ceiling. Beside him Jensen was fast asleep snuggled close to his body. His breathing was deep and even, the warmth of each breath wisping against Jared's skin on each exhale. Jared thought he looked so peaceful and he doubted that anyone would guess that two hours ago, Jensen had been sweat soaked, breathing hard and screaming for help. It had taken Jared over half an hour to calm the panicked man down and Jensen had finally descended into sleep with Jared whispering soothing words in his ear.

Jared turned his head looking down at the sleeping man, studying him closely. Even in the darkness Jared could see the lines of exhaustion etched on Jensen's face and the dark circles under his eyes. Jensen refused to talk to him about the nightmares saying that he couldn't remember what the dreams were about. They both knew it was a lie. Jared felt helpless and so far all he had been able to do was hold Jensen tight soothing him with calming words until the terror of the dream faded and Jensen fell asleep in his arms. 

Jared was desperately worried. In four days they started back to work on Supernatural and he was afraid that Jensen wouldn't be able to cope with the long hours they worked and getting little or no sleep every night. And the script for episode three had seemed to upset Jensen to the extent that he had put it to one side saying that he wanted to concentrate on episodes one and two. It had been so unlike Jensen who liked to be prepared, well ahead of each episode. Jared, himself, as usual had only half-read the script for episode one and he couldn't remember where he had put the scripts for two and three. He'd be ready for work knowing all his lines but it was just the way he had always worked. The night after the scripts arrived, Jensen had been tormented with nightmare after nightmare and neither of them had gotten much sleep. 

Jared was frantic. His love for Jensen spurred on his efforts and Jared had spent hours thinking and trying to work stuff out in his head, desperately trying to connect the dots without pushing or asking Jensen, not wanting to upset him any further. And yesterday while preparing their lunch, mulling everything over yet again in his head, it had suddenly hit him. Jared had circled the kitchen, Harley and Sadie following him, cursing himself for his stupidity and lack of brain power because once it hit him, it seemed so simple and he was 99% certain that he was right. He had turned his small study upside down and eventually found the script under a pile of fast food menus, the latest book he was reading and several back issues of the Supernatural magazine. After quickly reading through the script for episode three Jared knew he was right, the contents only serving to cement his convictions. Jared knew what was terrifying Jensen in his dreams every night and had come up with a plan to help. Now all he had to do was put the plan into action and convince Jensen to go along with him. 

Jensen snuffled in his sleep. Jared turned onto his side, careful not to wake Jensen, slinging his hand over his lover's flank possessively. Jensen mumbled something Jared didn't understand as he shifted closer into Jared's embrace. He smiled to himself. Tomorrow he would put his plan into action. Jared Padalecki was a man on a mission. 

  
**The next afternoon.......**

Jensen perched on top of the fence watching Jared wondering just how he had managed to let Jared persuade him to come here in the first place. He should have known that something was up as Jared had been acting mysterious, and stranger than usual, all morning. He had been distracted, jumpy, vague and nervous all at the same time, a heady and dangerous combination when it involved Jared Padalecki. He seemed to bounce around the house, full of restless energy but with few words which was also unusual. It had been driving Jensen slowly crazy and he had escaped to the decking area with Sadie and Harley. At lunch, Jared had picked at his food, also unusual, and just as Jensen was about to ask what was wrong, Jared had announced that they were going out for a drive. Jensen had been surprised, thinking that Jared wanted to work on the new scripts they had received from Kripke, but he had agreed happy to spend time with the younger man. 

Then the world had screeched to a halt making Jensen wanted to jump off and hide, as Jared nervously announced where they were going and what they were going to do. The Lazy-D Ranch. Jared was taking him riding. They were regulars at the ranch, having spent hours riding out together on their rare days off. It was quiet and the owner and staff were discreet and they had been able to ride without fear of being accosted by fans or the press. Jensen had always thought of the ranch as one of their places.

At Jared's announcement, Jensen had frozen, dropping his plate not noticing as it smashed around him. His legs turned immediately to jello and he felt sick to his stomach. His knees buckled and Jensen had felt himself falling. Jared had caught him lowering him gently to the cool tiles of the floor brushing away the broken bits of the plate so he didn't cut himself. They had spent the next hour on the kitchen floor with Jared trying to persuade Jensen to come with him, explaining that he had guessed about the dreams, guessed that Jensen was having nightmares about his accident. Jared had been gentle, understanding and persuasive. Jensen had reluctantly agreed in the end although he wasn't really sure why but guessed it had something to do with being in love with Jared and wanting him to be happy.

Jensen was terrified and he gripped the top of the fence with both hands making his knuckles go white. He wanted to run and hide. From himself. From Jared. From the frightening dreams where his unconscious mind played out the accident in glorious technicolour every night. But most of all he wanted to hide from the horses he could see behind Jared. Two familiar horses were already saddled, looming and threatening in the background. 

It was stupid. He knew it. Jensen knew these horses well, had ridden them regularly. He even brought treats for his favourite horse, Angus, every time they came to the stables. Jensen was really fond of the horse and Faith, the owner of the stables, always let him groom Angus after their ride. The stables were full of happy memories for Jensen, memories of times with Jared, even though it was at a time before they had become lovers. But all Jensen felt now was terror for the animals that he loved. His memories were precious and treasured and now they were tainted with his own fears. 

Breathing deeply, Jensen closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself. "I can do this," he chanted over and over in his head. The sound of a horse whinnying and the clatter of hooves in the background made Jensen shudder and his dream suddenly and uninvited bombarded his mind, the memories flashing and sparking inside his head, making him feel dizzy and sick. 

In his head, Jensen could hear the frenzied barking of the dog and the screams of the crews as they rushed to help him. He could see himself hanging onto the horse, feeling its muscles ripple as it galloped out of control. The sound of the horse's hooves on the ground hammered in his ears deafening him. Jensen could hear himself pleading with the animal to stop and he flinched slightly as he imagined every branch swipe of his face. Unconsciously, his fingers curled around the top of the fence as he felt the animal rise into the air. Jensen could feel himself losing his hold and balance as he flew over the horse's head watching the world spin over and over. Then Jensen felt the excruciating pain as he hit the ground. It was all so real, so vivid and so terrifying. The blood. The pure agony. And then the frightening realisation that he couldn't feel his legs. 

Jensen whimpered and snapped his eyes open. His heart pounded in his chest and he shivered suddenly feeling cold, his body bathed in a fine sheen of sweat. He stared down at his arm absently. A week ago, the cast had been removed and Jensen couldn't help every now and again studying the collection of thin red scars where he supposed his broken bones had been returned to where they belonged, complete with a thin metal rod to strengthen them. Surprisingly, there was no pain and he had quickly regained a full range of movements, just the odd twinge every now and again. He shuddered at the memory of seeing his bones bloody and protruding from his skin. Jensen absently flexed his fingers in an effort to distract himself from his gloomy thoughts. 

He looked up again at Jared watching as he talked, as usual with his hands, to Faith. He felt a wave of love wash over him for the younger man. He knew that Jared meant well, was only trying to help him, but Jensen couldn't do this and wanted to go home. Jensen slid of the fence straight onto his ass, his traitorous legs giving way under him. Defeated Jensen wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees. "Please let this end," he thought to himself. 

He sensed rather than felt Jared slump down next to him. "Hey," Jared whispered. "What you doing down here?" he nudged Jensen with his shoulder. 

"Sitting," Jensen mumbled as he turned his head slightly to look over at Jared. 

"You OK?" Jared asked even though he knew the answer already. Jensen looked pale and he had been watching the older man out of the corner of his eye as he talked to Faith. He suddenly wasn't feeling so confident about his master plan any more and silently cursed his stupidity. Jared couldn't bear to see Jensen hurting so badly, so afraid. And it was all his fault. "You suck big time," he thought to himself angrily. 

"I wanna go home," Jensen said. He knew he sounded pathetic and weak but he couldn't help himself. His heart was still racing and he couldn't help the tremors that wracked his body. "Please Jared." 

"Ssshhhh," Jared soothed as he put a hand gently on Jensen's back rubbing small circles. He decided that he wasn't going to subject Jensen to anymore torture at his hands. "I'll go get the truck. OK?" 

"Really?" Jensen asked. 

Jared sighed. "I'm not about to ask you do something that will freak you out," he replied with a small smile. "I'd never do that." 

"I know," Jensen nodded as he stared at the two saddled horse, his mind racing as fast as his heart. He tore his gaze away from the animals and looked sideways at Jared. "Guess if I don't do this now... I'll never do it," Jensen gave a small shrug. 

"May be," Jared gave a shrug of his own. He wasn't about to force Jensen up onto one of the horses. This had to be Jensen's decision and his alone. Jared could only offer his support, whatever Jensen decided and in this he was determined.

"I should do this now," Jensen said his voice wavering slightly.

"Only if you feel up to it," Jared said softly. "Hey," he nudged Jensen's shoulder again. " We've had great times up here. Just you, me and the horses."

"Yeah we have," Jensen bit at his lip. "And we could have more good times. But the thought freaks me out right now," he admitted.

"You still love horses?" Jared asked softly. "Love riding? Right?"

Jensen nodded. "I guess," he said. "You and me riding up here," he waved his arm around. "Was the best way to spend a day off. I loved it so much. Being with you.. and the horses." Jensen shrugged. "But now all I can see and think about is the accident... and the fact that it mighta crippled my ass forever," Jensen shuddered at the thought. "It scared the hell outta me. And at night it comes back. Every damn night. Freaking me out," he said defeat evident in his voice, as he picked idly at the seam of his jeans. "I don't want to be scared any more," Jensen turned haunted eyes towards Jared. "But I don't know what to do" 

Jared looked around them quickly. Apart from the two saddled horses they were alone. "I'm sorry for bringing you here," he pulled Jensen into his side and kissed him softly. I am such an asshole sometimes," he chastised himself. 

"No you're not Jared. Don't say that ever," Jensen protested. "I should have told you what was going on in my stupid head. Told you about the dreams. I wanted to. But I didn't know how. It's all... just all...," he pointed from himself to Jared. "All so new and I felt kinda stupid." 

Jared smiled understanding immediately where Jensen was coming from. They were both nervous and hesitant about their new relationship. From the moment they had met, they had been firm friends evolving into best friends quickly but now they were just starting to learn about each other as lovers and Jared knew it would take them both time to adjust. "Jensen. I understand. I do. Telling me stuff is never stupid. You gotta tell me stuff and I'll tell you stuff," he said. "Then we can sort stuff out together. Deal?" 

"Deal," Jensen replied as he dropped his head to stare at his jeans distractedly. Jared always made him feel better and he knew that they had to learn to share things. The thought that they had the rest of their lives to learn and teach one another made him smile slightly. 

"Guess we've gotta learn to share stuff with each other," Jared smiled again in reassurance. "I was so worried about you and I didn't know what else to do. I thought it would help bringing you up here," he shrugged. "I'm sorry." 

"You've got nothing to be sorry about. I know you only did this for me. To help. I know that Jared," Jensen returned Jared's earlier kiss fiercely. He pulled away managing another small smile, this time just for Jared. "What am I gonna do?" he said miserably as he leaned into Jared's embrace. "We got a water horse story line coming up. And Dean's gotta ride a horse..... and stupid me can't get my ass near a horse at the moment." 

"You're not stupid," Jared protested. "And we'll figure it out," he said pulling Jensen even closer. "Together. OK?"

"OK," Jensen bit at his lips nervously suddenly coming to decision that he hoped he wouldn't regret. He wasn't sure where the unexpected resolve came from but he guessed that being close to Jared had something to do with his impulsive burst of determination. "We could.... you know... go and say hey," he waved a hand at the saddled horses.

"Really?" Jared turned towards Jensen in surprise having been about to fetch the truck so they could go home. "You sure?" 

"No," Jensen answered honestly. "But saying hey can't hurt me," he said dragging himself to his feet before he had time to change his mind. "And may be if I do this, it will help with the dreams. May be they'll go away," he whispered not able to disguise the hope in his voice. "I want them to go away." 

Jared smiled bouncing to his feet. He took Jensen's hand in his hand. "OK," he said. "Let's go say hey." 

Jensen let himself be pulled towards the horses. He stumbled a couple of times as his feet insisted on dragging on the rough ground. But Jared held onto him, wouldn't let him fall, wouldn't let him stop. Jensen's heart started to race as they neared the animals. He licked at suddenly dry lips and tightened his grip of Jared's hand. "I don't ... don't think I can do this," he stopped in his tracks, pulling Jared to a jerked stop too. Jensen nervously eyed the two horses, licking at his lips again as he felt his heart lurch and thud in his chest. 

"It's OK," Jared soothed feeling the trembles running through Jensen's body. "Look it's only Angus. He's missed you. He told me," he teased to lighten the mood. "Said it was about time you got your ass up here to ride him again." 

Jensen rolled his eyes and snorted. "Since when did you become Dr. Doolittle?" he teased back. 

"I have a way with animals," Jared pouted. "Harley and Sadie tell me all the time," he grinned boyishly as he flicked his hair off his face. 

"You know that you're totally nuts. Right?" Jensen accused. 

"But you love me anyway," Jared retorted with a grin. 

"Yeah. Yeah I do," Jensen agreed nodding his head vigorously so there was no doubt in Jared's mind. 

Jared grinned at him again. "Did I ever tell you that John Wayne was six foot four. Just like me?" he asked. "And he always rode tall horses. Just like me." 

Jensen snorted again. "You may have mentioned it a few millions times," he said knowing that Jared was trying to distract with inane conversation in an effort to relax him. Jensen couldn't help loving him just a little bit more, and not for the first time wondering if that was humanly possible. He shuffled forwards a little bit. 

Jensen didn't realise that as they had been talking, Jared had moved them even closer to the horses and they were now within arm's reach of the two animals. "Hey buddy," Jared petted the large grey horse, Santana, that he always rode. Jensen watched nervously kicking the ground with his boot, his hand still clutching Jared's hand. 

Jensen flinched slightly as Angus moved forwards and nudged his chest in recognition. Jared held his breath and squeezed Jensen's hand gently in support. "Hey Angus," Jensen stammered hating the fact that his voice cracked.   He hadn't ever noticed before but Angus looked a bit like Ranger, the horse he had ridden while making the movie.   The thought made Jensen shiver, even though he knew his accident wasn't Ranger's fault.  He was brought back to himself by the horse in front of him blowing out a noisy breath which made Jensen jump slightly but he managed to stand his ground and not run away. The horse nudged his chest again. 

Jared laughed lightly and produced an apple from his shirt pocket. "I guess he wants this," he said taking a chance and handing the apple to Jensen, hoping that the older man would work up the courage to offer the fruit to the horse holding onto the fact that Jensen hadn't run away yet. 

Jensen worried his lip with his teeth as he accepted the apple. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Time to get on with your life," he thought to himself. "You can do this," he encouraged himself silently. Opening his eyes, Jensen leant forwards slightly, still gripping Jared's hand, and offered Angus the apple. Jensen closed his eyes again and grit his teeth as Angus accepted the apple, the leathery feel of the horse's tongue swiping across his sweaty palm. Opening his eyes, Jensen tentatively stroked the horse's nose as Angus ate his apple. He looked sideways at Jared, who had remained silent. 

"Yay," Jared congratulated softly squeezing Jensen's hand. 

"Shall we go for.... for a ride," Jensen offered knowing, deep down, that he could do this, even though he still felt a little afraid. 

"We don't have to," Jared replied. "We can come back tomorrow or the next day. Whenever you're ready. OK?" 

Jensen shook his head. "No let's do this now. Before I chicken out," he said determined letting go of Jared's hand. "Just a short ride. Up into the woods," he said as he forced his feet to move around to the side of the horse. "You can do this," he whispered over and over to himself in his head as he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. 

"OK," Jared agreed as he steadied Angus. Holding onto the horn of the saddle with both hands, Jensen cautiously put his foot in the stirrup swinging his other leg up over the horse. "But only a short one," Jared suggested. "And no galloping. We can come back tomorrow. And the next day. And for how ever long it takes. OK?"

"OK," Jensen agreed as he gripped the reins turning the horse expertly. He felt nervous about being back on a horse but somehow it felt familiar and good. He wriggled in the saddle getting comfortable taking the moment to calm himself. Jensen licked at his still too dry lips and waited patiently while Jared mounted his own horse.

He gave Jared a crooked smile and took a deep calming breath before cautiously nudging Angus towards the small wood at the back of the stables. He clutched the reins tighter and held on firmly to the saddle horn as the horse started to move forwards. Jensen wobbled in the saddle and tightened his grip clenching his knees and legs against the horse's flank, half expecting the animal to protest and throw him off. He was wrong. Angus didn't react happily trotting forwards. After a moment of holding his breath with his eyes closed, Jensen blew out a relieved sigh and relaxed his grip settling himself deeper into the saddle. Nothing had happened. He was still on the horse and hadn't fallen off. Just may be he could do this. No galloping today but possibly tomorrow. There was nothing to be afraid of. Jared was here. He was safe. Jensen leaned forwards cautiously and patted Angus' head. Jensen grinned to himself, perhaps he would even get to make another cowboy movie in the future. It was something to look forward to and he smiled again. 

Jared let out the breath he had been holding as he mounted his own horse. If he was really honest with himself, Jensen back on a horse was more than he had really expected today despite his master plan and determination of the day before. Grinning, Jared urged Santana forwards to catch up with Jensen and Angus. "You OK?" he asked as he drew up alongside Jensen, still worried. 

Jensen shot him a lopsided if slightly nervous smile. "Yeah. I'm cool," he said. "Gonna kick that dream's ass," he quipped.

"Hey," Jared smirked. "Now who's channelling their Dean Winchester?"

"Damn straight," Jensen countered with a smirk. 

They rode in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company. "Hey," Jared said finally breaking the silence. "Perhaps we could do a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," he suggested.

"They died at the end of the movie," Jensen said with a frown. "And you know that I'm a sucker for a happy ending."

"Yeah but they were so cool," Jared enthused. "And we could do that bicycle scene. So awesome," he grinned again as he started to hum out of tune, Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. 

Jensen snorted in laughter at Jared's enthusiasm. "So are you gonna be Katharine Ross?" he asked. "Because if I remember rightly, someone has to be the girl," he nodded at Jared. 

"Nah," Jared beamed. "We'll just get a rewrite or something," he waggled his eyes at Jensen. Jensen laughed. "Did you know...," Jared started to say. 

"Don't tell me," Jensen interrupted cocking his head to one side. "That you know how tall Paul Newman and Robert Redford are too," he joked as he carefully reached out a hand towards Jared. 

"Hey," Jared pouted as he took Jensen's hand in his and squeezed. "Actually I do," he admitted sheepishly. "But don't worry even you're taller than both of them," he teased with another waggle of his eyebrows.

"Jerk," Jensen imitated Dean Winchester again.

"Bitch," Jared retorted. 

  
**End**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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